


The Madding Crowd

by ButterflyBunny



Category: Captain America (Movies), Closer (2004), Léon | The Professional (1994), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Age Difference, Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Beyoncé Knowles Song, Books, Comfort, Depression, Dreams, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, False Identity, First Meetings, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, Letters, Longing, Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Memories, Minor Jane Foster/Thor, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovered Memories, References to Books, References to Depression, Repressed Memories, Romance, Romantic Soulmates, Running Away, Secret Identity, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smoking, Soul Bond, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Star-crossed, Starcrossed Lovers, Strangers, Touching, True Love, Weddings, World Travel, gif
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-25 06:56:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14971544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyBunny/pseuds/ButterflyBunny
Summary: Five times Bucky and Jane have to leave eachother, plus one they stay together.OrSoulmate AU, where Bucky was always Bucky Barnes, but Jane was not always Jane Foster.





	1. 1999

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "[Runnin' (Lose It All)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJSik6ejkr0)"
> 
> In this universe Soulbonds happen once two soulmates touch. The Soulmarks are suppose to be the first words of your soulmate imprinted on your skin, the ones born with no Soulmark are called 'Soulless'.
> 
> Some people are said to be born with some kind of brand or birthmark which signifies they have a soulmate, but this is extremely rare, so much that some people don't even know it.

 

It was the first time he had managed to break from the conditioning voluntarily. He wasn’t sure how he did it and he didn’t know where he was. It was the first time he had managed to break from the conditioning _while on an_ _assignment_. The job was done of course, he did remember tracking down the target and pulling the trigger, _that_ he never had trouble remembering, whether he was himself or… The Winter Soldier, he always remembered pulling the trigger. 

He sits and looks around him. The room he had woken up in was small, empty if it wasn’t for the cot he had been laying in and, judging by the pain in his back and neck, sleeping in the past few days. Although it always hurt, something or everything, he was still not used to the weight of the arm attached to the rest of his body. Even after – He tries making memory – Fifty three years under their control. A sharp pain in the back of his skull makes him wince, and then he loses his train of thought.

_The procedure has already started…_

Pain is part of the procedure. Pain is all he feels at the moment. 

There’s a suitcase infront of him, two more on the corner of the room containing a few weapons and civilian clothes. After an assignment was done, it took a few days for him – the Asset – to be extracted, during the time he waited for them, he had to blend with the outside. All this was under the conditioning and, even though he should be able to remember what the outside world looked like now, it was all erased eventually. 

“Your name is…” He takes a deep breath, “You _don’t_ belong to them” He says instead, not being able to remember. 

A car horn pulls him out of his thoughts, as he becomes aware of the noise outside the room. He stands from the small bed, fists clenching as his knees seem to barely hold his weight, and he is almost… Afraid to look outside the small window a few feet from him. But he does anyways, drawing the curtains in one swift movement. It’s too bright outside, and he covers his eyes with his right hand at first, blinking them open a few seconds later, drinking the view of the city in awe. Tall buildings, green trees and cars on the street.

“Fifty three years” He whispers to the empty room.

 

* * *

 

 

Three weeks. 

Two days. 

No one comes looking for him. Extraction had never taken this long before.

By now, he had fallen into a routine. He barely sleeps, but that's not out of the ordinary, he rather be tired than having nightmares. New York is a lot more exhausting than he remembers. Too much noise, too many smells and way too many people. He doesn’t _hate_ it, but he doesn’t like it either.

There's not much he can do anyways, except for eating as much as he can and try to... Enjoy it. He can't shake the feeling of people staring at him whenever he goes out – he makes the mistake of cutting his own hair one morning, to make himself blend whenever he had to go out, and he _hates_ it since it makes him feel naked somehow – he doesn't stay outside for long anyways. The restaurant he goes to, less than two blocks from the apartment building he inhabits, is frequented by people like him. The ‘don't ask questions’ ‘don't look at them in the eye’ kind of people. He already knows the waiters, the manager and the owner, a man named Tony who seemingly lives in the building, his office is in the back.

Days pass and he picks up the habit of having lunch there. He wakes up and goes for a run before the sun is even out, takes a shower, has breakfast and tries to keep himself busy - exercising, reading a book, cleaning his weapons - until lunch time. He doesn't go out at night. And the next day he does the same thing, then the day after that and so on.

Everything is so... Repetitive. Until one day it isn't.

He had a rough night, first not being able to sleep and then when he finally got to rest the nightmares started. There's a man in his dream, he could be his torturer or... A friend. He doesn't know, and he is not going to remember so he doesn’t waste much time thinking about it before rising from his bed to start his day.

When he realises he overslept, he goes to the diner instead of trying to follow his everyday routine. It was freezing outside, so he walked as fast as he could so he could get a sip of coffee and something warm to eat. He tries not looking at anyone too long despite wanting to, he felt curious about the world outside – as loud and overwhelming as it is – but at the same time he knew that when he was captured he would have to forget about it anyways. 

There's a woman waiting outside, at least that's what he thinks she's doing, she looks inside tapping her feet nervously on the pavement and despite the cold she is only wearing a jean jacket that doesn't seem appropriate for the weather. Her eyes are hidden under a baseball cap, and her yellowish hair looks wet or maybe sweaty underneath it. The hair color doesn’t quite fit her, he thinks and then shakes the thought away when she glances at him. She doesn't seem dangerous – in fact she looks harmless, her petite frame nothing to worry about – but her anxiousness makes him _uncomfortable._  Seeing tap her feet against the pavement makes his hand sweat, when she bites her thumbnail he scratches his own thumb with his fingernail, like her worry is contagious.

He shakes his head passing by her, and when he is about to reach for the door, someone opens it from the other side.

"Finally" the young woman says.

Her voice is a lot softer than he anticipated, though he didn’t know he had been. Tony purses his lips and gestures her to enter, offering him a nod before he disappears inside with the woman. He sighs, entering the building a few seconds later so it doesn't seem like he's with them.

"Nice seeing you again, John"

It takes him a split of second to remember _he_ is John. The waiter, Kevin, smiles politely at him and he nods. He sits in the table further from the entrance and orders a cup of coffee. Not five minutes pass and he hears a door being slammed. When he lifts up his gaze he sees Tony leaving his office, the same young woman following him. 

"Just one!" She says. 

Tony turns to her, "I said _no_ " he replies, "Mathilda, you don't want-"

"I do" The woman, Mathilda, repeats, "I did what he wanted, I finished school and-"

"There's other things!" Tony exclaims, "Go to college, travel if you want you got the money! or get a job, a _real_ job"

Mathilda grits her jaw, "Give me one assignment" she says, "If I can't do it-"

"Don't do this" Tony says, "He wouldn't have wanted to-"

"Well he's _gone_ " Mathilda retorts angrily, this time Tony looks take aback, "and here I am" 

Whatever it is she's asking, Tony seems to consider it for a second after the initial shock passes. When the older man looks around to see if anyone is looking at them – there are only three people and only he is looking at them – he turns to her. 

"One”

The woman looks surprised, but masks it well enough.

“And if you change your mind” Tony warns, pointing a finger at her, “If you can’t do it, for whatever reas-“

“I know my limi-”

“For _whatever_ reason, Mathilda, you don’t come back here”

After that, the young woman follows Tony to the back and they stay inside for a few minutes. She comes out with a suitcase – again, no one is looking at them except for him – and when she turns to him throwing a glare in his direction he isn’t sure why he is unable to look away, her glare softens into a frown before she turns and walks away, throwing one last glance at him as the door closes behind her.

That night he can’t sleep thinking of her, there was something about her brown eyes, anger and sadness mixed with something he can’t quite put his finger on, but that he is familiar with.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning he is washing his face when it comes to him. James, not John.

 _His name is James_.

He hears a voice calling him, but it’s never loud enough or close enough for him to identify it, no matter how much he tries to reach for it. It’s New Year’s. He can’t believe he had made it that long without being captured – retrieved – it wasn’t exactly freedom, but it has definitely being the longest time he had been outside of a HYDRA base. Still, he doesn’t feel brave enough to move further away from where he was left. 

The punishment for disobedience was always worse than being put back to sleep.

James likes cigarettes. _Still_ , he thinks as he takes a deep drag of the one between his fingers. The nicotine taste is familiar, and he gets a flash of a memory but it’s fleeting. It brings him certain sense of calm while it lasts, like inhaling and exhaling was all he needed. He stares at the New York skyline, leaning against the edge of the building. His left arm had started to feel too heavy, almost like he was feeling a real arm. The sun is about to go down, but there's still enough light.

 

 

The rooftop access doors open behind him and he glances over his shoulder. The woman from before – barely a woman, a girl really – stops when she sees him there. Her brown eyes are red rimmed and her cheeks and nose are pink. She has a bottle in her hands, half empty already.

“I have a rape whistle” She announces, she talks like her tongue is heavy in her mouth, “Just so you know”

The man blinks confused by her words, before he looks away. 

Mathilda considers closing the doors when he shows no sign of leaving, he hadn’t been very friendly when he passed by her in the halls anyways, but she needs the air. He was the one intruding in _her_ place after all. The man, ‘John’ Kevin had called him, goes back to his cigarette while his eyes remain glued to the city skyline. The sun hadn't gone down but it would soon, and it was already starting to feel cold.

As she walks towards him, he hears the gun clicking inside her pocket. He considers leaving, but when he sees the drunken state she is in he knows she isn’t there to do anyone any harm. Anyone but herself maybe. 

“It’s freezing here” She tells him.

Mathilda feels the heavy weight of the gun Tony had given her days before. She had gone there to think about it – Overthink, really. What if Tony was right? Maybe she was never going to be able to follow Leon’s footsteps. It wasn’t what he wanted for her even when he “trained” her, he never wanted her to be like him. Or like the man infront of her. _John_ wasn’t fooling anyone – ok, maybe everyone, but not her – and even Tony had told her that he seemed to be in the business. She grips the bottle in her hands, and when she feels the bile rise to her throat, she opens it and takes another swing. 

“Easy”

His voice is croaky, low and rough. She wipes her nose with the sleeve of the jacket. 

"You are the stranger from 4B" Mathilda sniffs, leaving the bottle on the edge, "I'm 4A, Mathilda"

His eyes linger on her, it’s the same woman he had seen at the restaurant that past morning arguing about a job with the owner, he presumes she hadn't done it yet since she’s drinking that bottle like she wants to stop thinking about it for a while. When she reaches for the pockets of her too-big jacket he tenses, left hand fingers twitching on his side before she gets out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes.

"Are you all there?" She taps her temple. 

Mathilda takes one cigarette to her lips and throws the empty box to the floor. 

"Not always" He answers, looking at her feet step on the box, "You shouldn't smoke"

The woman tilts her head, "You are" 

Instead of answering, James reaches for the cigarette between Mathilda’s lips and takes it from her, throwing it to the ground and stepping on it. She stares at it like she remembers something, and then she rolls her eyes and puts the lighter back in her pocket before crossing her arms shielding herself from the cold. It was a bad memory, because her eyes go glassy before she looks at the city.

"Were you on the war or something?"

A frown crosses his features.

"You came back crazy and stuff" She continues, "If so, there's places where they help people like you" 

She looks at him and their eyes meet, and James realises she's waiting for an answer despite assuming already.

"What places?" He humours her.

"Places where they try to fix you" Her voice is soft, quiet, "They give you pills and stuff"

He swallows, getting a flash of some memory inside his head. He doesn't like it. The bottle she brought with her looks tempting, but he knows it wouldn’t affect him anyways.

"Sometimes it doesn't work" Mathilda adds, "That's... So you aren't?"

He shakes his head. There is something in his eyes that make her regret asking. The man should be intimidating – scary even – and while he’s the ‘look but don't touch type’, is more in the sense a a museum painting would be rather than a thug. Perhaps, she saw Leon in him in some way and god knows she still hasn’t let him go, the man infront of her is quiet and broken, when she thinks about it her throat goes tight. She saw herself instead.

Mathilda finds James staring, and when she does he looks away and silence falls upon the again. 

“The gun” The man lets out a breath of smoke, “How did that go?”

“I’m waiting” 

“For?”

His blue eyes are electrifying when they find hers.

Mathilda rubs her eyes wanting to look away, she’s drunk and everything around her is blurred at the edges. Still, she takes another swing at the bottle until it’s completely empty. Maybe instead of smoking she should have started with drinking, the effect lasts longer and hey, no second hand smoking for anyone else. She leaves the bottle aside and sits on the edge of the building, accidentally hitting the bottle with her elbow. 

“Shit” She looks downwards, it doesn’t fall on anyone but it makes a crashing sound as it shatters once it hits the pavement.

A passerby looks upwards and starts cursing at her. A laugh bubbles from her chest and she’s unable to hold it, before the man flips her off and continues to walk away. When she looks ahead, everything starts spinning and she shuts her eyes tightly. The man grabs her jacket and pulls, and that’s when she realises she almost falls backwards. She grips his wrist, frowning at how cold it feels. 

He lets her go like she’s suddenly made of fire. The woman pants heavily, and takes her hand to her chest realising she almost falls. 

“Don’t do it” He says a few seconds later.

Kill? Jump?

“You can just get rid of it now” The man gestures at where she hides the gun.

Mathilda hugs herself tightly, “Maybe I have to” 

He remains quiet, but she sees him swallow.

“I used to know someone like you” She says.

“I doubt it” 

Mathilda looks at him and chuckles sadly, looking at the sky then.

“I thought he was my soulmate” 

Everyone knew about _Soulmates_. You were suppose to be born with the first words you said to eachother written on your skin, the world would stop for a second once you realised it, and you will feel complete.

Mathilda used to believe in them despite not being born with a single letter written in any part of her body, which is why she thought the first man to ever show her any kind of affection had to be it. Leon wasn’t, of course, but she still loved him and he died for her, if he didn’t love her he wouldn’t have. And if she hadn’t been so young, maybe he would have loved her like she thought she needed.

Mathilda wipes her cheeks, and then shakes her head, "I've seen you around" her voice comes out too quiet, and she thinks he didn't hear her at first.

He hums, taking a drag of his cigarette.

When he shows no sign of silencing her, "You come and go"

He licks his lips, tasting the nicotine of the last drag of the cigarette as he stares at it die between his fingers. 

"You pace a lot in your apartment at nights" Mathilda looks at him, "Sometimes, I can’t sleep either” 

The man is listening but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he rests his elbows on the parapet where she is sitting, and Mathilda leans closer to him despite wanting to move the opposite way, like she orbits towards him, he's the earth and she's the moon. She inhales the smell of cigarette smoke, she didn’t actually like smoking but she inhales deeply finding she actually likes the smell of him hidden underneath. Her palms start itching, and she gets the feeling she needs to reach for him for it to stop. Maybe he needed someone too. Before she can stop herself, her lips part. 

"We don’t have to be alone, you know?" 

What does that mean, he doesn’t ask, but a heaviness settles in his chest as he can finally name the feeling that has been haunting him since he first saw her. _Longing_. Something inside his mind clicks, he isn't suppose to be talking to anyone, they will know and... Something bad is going to happen.

He steps on the cigarette and turns around. 

"If you see me again" He says, "Don't come near me" 

Mathilda didn't even get to ask his name.

 

* * *

 

 

Eight hours for extraction.

He had returned to his room to find the message blinking in the computer screen left for him in the middle of the small bed. That night he lays awake unable to shake the feeling of leaving something behind, he didn’t forget it but wasn’t allowed to take it with him. And for the first time in decades, he wonders about his life before. He grips his left shoulder, feeling the phantom ache that punished him whenever he allowed himself to think about the past. He looks around, once morning came everything will be gone and it would be as if he was never there. Even ghosts leave something behind.

A knock on the door has him sitting on the bed with one swift movement. He reaches for the gun under the pillow and stands up slowly, not wanting to make too much noise but the wooden floor creaks under his feet. When he looks through the peephole he sees a familiar face and he swallows tightly, considering opening the door.

He shuts his eyes and then opens them, looking again.

“Please, please, open the door” She whispers, not knowing he is able to hear her. 

"Fuck" He whispers.

And he takes a deep breath before he opens the door.

 

 

Mathilda lets out a shaky breath, putting a strand of her hair behind her ear nervously. She looks over his shoulder at the apartment he inhabits and immediately can tell he isn’t staying longer. She wishes she could leave too, she’s jaded.

“I got myself locked out”

His brow furrows. 

“Kick my door open or something” Her voice is strained, and her hands making fists on each side of her body, “Please”

The faint lighting iluminates her face as she gives a step away from him, like she wants to leave but also wants him to stop her. There’s a bruise forming on her cheek, dry blood on her nose and her lip is swollen.

“Who hit you?”

Silence.

She shakes her head, “I’m sorry I came here”

He grips her wrist before she can leave and she lets out a cry, her face grimacing in pain. He’s wearing a long-sleeve shirt, but he forgot his glove, and the shinny metal crinkles against the moonlight. He lets her go, and hides his hand behind his back.

When Mathilda looks at him her anger fades away, she wasn’t even angry at him to begin with, and she feels her cheek throb harder. She had been following her mark, but apparently she wasn’t being as conspicuous as she thought, and a minutes later it was her who was being followed. A smack in the face and a warning had left her shaking in more anger than fear, but both anyways.

Blue Eyes, she isn’t calling him John when she knows is not his name, walks pass her and stands infront of her apartment door, with his left hand he grips the doorknob and turns it, like is nothing it cracks and the door opens slowly. 

“Thanks, Terminator” She says, trying to lighten the mood.

He looks at her with a small frown on his face, like he actually didn’t understand the joke, or maybe he didn’t like it. When Mathilda walks pass him, he opens his mouth like he’s about to say something – apologising, perhaps, maybe to remind her not to talk to him again – but when she looks at him, he shuts his jaw tightly. She bites her bottom lip, feeling the sting of her busted lip, and looks at him. There is something about him she can’t shake off, like she has seen him before or maybe dreamt about him. _Ha_. She scolds herself mentally for sounding so… Corny. _You are already 18, Mathilda,_ She sighs, _You’re too old for crushes_. 

“Did you do it?” 

Mathilda shakes her head.

“Good” 

“Do you want to come in?” And before he can react, “Make sure I get rid of that gun”

He doesn’t know why he enters but once he gives a step forward he can’t stop himself. Mathilda turns on the lamp in the living room and it illuminates half the room, while he stands in the middle following her with his eyes. She walks towards the small kitchen and takes a small bag from the fridge, before walking towards him again.

“What’s your name?”

The girl reaches for the front pocket of her jacket and leaves the gun on the table infront of him, pressing the bag of frozen peas against her cheek.

“James”

James takes the gun from the table, dissarming it with seemingly one movement before putting it back there only taking the magazine. Mathilda sees him hide his hand behind his back when he finds her staring. _James_. Somehow knowing his name makes him feel more real. She was starting to think he was a product of her imagination. 

“Mathilda” James says, testing the name on her lips, “I have to go”

She takes the bean bag off her face.

“Will you be here tomorrow?”

James looks at the door, “No”

The girl nods then, looking disappointed. He clears his throat and swallows tightly.

“Ok, then” Mathilda says quietly.

Should she shake his hand? Say goodbye? Before she can choose, he is gone, leaving the door ajar behind him. Mathilda sits on the couch, holding the cold bag against her now numb cheek, and she falls asleep without realising it. 

The next morning, she is leaving to tell Tony about the decision she had made, when she notices a note was left under the gun.

 _This is no life for you, Mathilda._  

She feels her eyes swell with tears before she shuts them tightly. Mathilda clutches the note and wipes her nose, she leaves the room and the gun behind, alongside a life that she never really wanted anyways.


	2. 2006

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 happens five years after the events in the movie The Professional and every event in the movie happened, but this chapter ignores the events in Closer.

When she arrives to the club the neon sign that reads 'Soul/Less' is off, and she lets out a relieve breath since she thought she was running late. She has stayed up late waiting for her thesis grade to be up on the university's site. After working on it for about eight months what had started as something small grew overtime, her professor would have to read over a hundred pages about her own working theory about wormholes, so maybe that's why it was taking so long. 

A creak on her neck had been killing her since that morning but it was starting to fade as she got warm. Georgina – ‘call me Georgie, darling’ – salutes her when she enters the changing room and she offers a smile. Alice didn't have many friends, or at all, between her many classes and working three different jobs she hardly had time for a social life. The only person she has contact with was Tony and only over the mail – he wrote to her when he had to send the money left for her, sometimes sending postcards during holidays and her birthday – the old man had a heart attack a few months prior so really she was waiting for bad news on him.

Soul/Less was a famous strip club on the upper east side of the city, of all her jobs it was the most lucrative but she really hated the late hours, specially because she lived far, in the bad part of town where walking home late at night was dangerous. She had been mugged twice in the past month, but she was starting to look for a new place now that her savings were enough. Soon she will graduate and she could follow her passion. The stars.

Georgie helps her with the bubblegum pink wig she used to 'get in character' once she was done with the make up in her face and the glitter on her skin, and starts to sew the broken zipper of her bustier. The older woman is the hostess, and she helped all the girls to get ready, for Alice she was like a big sister.

Alice. It was the name she had chosen once she turned 19 and decided to go to college with the money Leon left for her. It had been enough to get her through the first three years while living in a comfortable apartment in the city. 

Now at 24, she almost rarely remembers being called Mathilda. Mainly because everyone who knew her by that name was dead, and no one stayed long enough for her to want tell them about her old life. Someone did remain but only in her memory, and sometimes she doubted he had been real. Still, she sometimes dreamt about the blue eyes, sometimes she thought she saw him wandering around the city.

"We have a big party tonight" 

She winces as Georgina accidentally pinches her with the needle. The woman apologises and she waves it off. 

“Some rich jackass reserved half the VIP area" 

“Does that mean I have to do a private?”

VIP clients would almost always pay for a private dance if they saw a girl they liked. She never really liked going to the private rooms – sex was not what they did, but the clients tend to forget about that – although it did pay well. Alice enjoyed dancing in the floor, flirting for fun, engaging in conversations with them to help them relieve some stress, sometimes soulless people only needed someone to talk to. 

Soul/Less was a club for... Well, ‘soulless’ people. That's what people born without Soulmarks were called, and she always thought it was kinda cruel. Not having a soul mark doesn't necessarily mean you are going to stay alone the rest of your life, but some people insisted otherwise. Alice hadn't care about them but sometimes, when she accidentally bumped into someone on the street or shook someone's hand, or kissed someone, she wondered if maybe her soulmate could be a stranger passing by her.

“I’ll tell the boss you are better with the crowd” The redhead offers, “But just in case, be ready”

"Looking but no touching" Alice says, looking at the older woman's reflection in the mirror.

Her red lips match the fiery red hair of hers, and her face is split by a comforting smile. 

"They know the rules" She winks, "You need me to cover it up?"

Alice blinks a few times and catches Georgie looking at her upper arm. The oddly shaped scar clearly visible and she gets a flash of her sister telling her how ugly it was, though she insisted you could see a shape. She nods.

"Something else on you mind today?"

"Hm?"

"You look distracted"

Alice chuckles, "I'm waiting on a grade" she says, "My thesis on the wormholes theory I told you about" 

Georgie dimples at her, "Once you graduate you'll leave us, huh?"

"I don't know" She answers honestly, "If I get a job offer at NASA" she chuckles, "Maybe Stark Industries"

Georgina finishes applying the concealer, and smiles at her. The woman had always looked genuinely interested in whatever Alice had to say about her studies, she was like that with all the girls, always asking about their lives and if they needed help with something. She was kind, unlike her brother who happened to be the owner of the business. Georgie kisses the top of her head. 

"I'd go for Stark" she winks, "Tony Stark is a doll"

Alice chuckles.

“Maybe…” Georgina continues, and her hands on Alice’s shoulder squeeze softly, “If you don’t find anything, you could stay with me for a while” she says nonchalantly, “I have enough extra room in my penthouse”

She turns to look at the older woman, eyes wide in shock at first and then a smile splits her face. 

“I’d… Really love that”

The older woman kisses the top of her head, "Have fun tonight" 

"Will do"

Alice leaves the room unable to wipe the smile off her face, and she glances at Georgie before she joins the other girls in the bar.

 

* * *

 

He lights up the cigarette between his fingers. Inhaling deeply until his lungs are filled with smoke and the nicotine starts giving him a pleasant buzz that never lasts long, but it's enough to keep the edge off for a few minutes.

The neon signs behind him has been on for only a few minutes but there was already a long line of people trying to get inside the club. He didn't like doing recon, mixing with people, being on the outside. Specially tonight, because he can't shake the feeling something is about to go sideways.

 

 

It's been a week already, and he was starting to think this job was taking too long.

The bouncer whistles at him, he had already being paid to let James in first. By who, he doesn't know but he never asks. Inhaling on last time, he rolls his left shoulder trying to shake the phantom ache that he had since he woke up that morning, and walks towards the doors of Soul/Less.

 

* * *

 

It gets more crowded as the hours pass, and by nine they have a full house. Alice remains seated in the bar, talking with Jerome the bartender on Saturdays and her favorite one. She can see there are more clients on the dance floor than the bar, and the booths are occupied by people and dancers on the tables. Georgie hadn’t told her about the private, so soon she’s going to start looking for a lap to sit. Jerome is talking about some conquest of his while he pretends to be cleaning some glasses – the saturday crowd only ask for beers so he doesn’t get to do much other than taking bottles out of the fridge – and Alice keeps her eyes on some of the girls walking around and dancing. 

She catches Georgie observing the whole room from the dj’s booth like she often did, making sure everything goes smoothly. And when she looks at the VIP area is occupied by about thirty people, all yelling and drinking.

“The bossman is not around today” Jerome says, his french accent thick, “You can have a drink or two”

Alice smiles softly, “Please” she glances back at the balcony, and then at the bartender.

The bossman, Frederick, was disliked by everyone there including Georgie, who was his sister. The atmosphere felt a lot lighter amongst the workers where he was not around like today. Kira, one of the other dancers, walks towards them with an empty tray and an annoyed look on her face.

“Everything alright, chéri?” Jerome asks.

“I got the VIP” She purses her lips, “Bunch of assholes”

“I can help you if you want” Alice offers. 

Kira cocks an eyebrow, “I know for a fact you can’t handle grown ass men behaving like children” she chuckles and Jerome follows. 

Both reminding Alice of the incident a few months prior where she smacked a client with one of the trays after he got too touchy. Kira laughs before throwing a kiss and leaving, saying something in french that she didn’t catch but it was probably for Jerome anyways. 

The man slides her a pink drink, “Try it”

Alice reaches for it and takes it to her lips, humming happily, “Tastes like bubblegum” she says leaving it on the bar.

A hand slides over her shoulder and she turns to find Frederick next to her. Jerome’s smile falls, and Alice tenses under the touch as the older man’s face is split by a sardonic smile. 

“Full house tonight, huh?”

“Yes, sir” Alice says dryly, and the man squeezes her shoulder.

“Then why are you here, instead of with the clients?” He grins.

Jerome looks at her, “The dance floor is busier than the-” 

“There is a guest in the VIP” Frederick cuts him off, and looks at Alice with a grins in his face, “He has been here three times this week, his first time in the city he says, and took a like to this place” Alice glances at the VIP, and then at the man behind the bar, “But he keeps rejecting every girl I send” 

“Perhaps he just wants-“ 

“Why don’t you join him?” The older man grins wickedly, “You tend to know how to handle difficult clients”

Alice offers a smile at the older man, somehow strained but he believes it, and Jerome puts the drink on a tray for her. She glances at the man on the VIP area and figures that she could leave the drink and then get lost in the crowd, avoid the bossman the rest of the night. She walks away from the bar after mouthing ‘sorry’ to Jerome because she knows Frederick will scold him.

 

* * *

 

He needs another cigarette.

His mark is only a few feet away from him, laughing with some friends while surrounded by people. He swallows tightly. Truth is, pulling the trigger is... Less difficult when he doesn't know a name or when he hadn't seen the face before, getting it done and getting out was what he rather do.

It hits him that it has been two years since his last mission, and he had been woken barely a week prior so maybe that's why he felt so anxious. Apart from that, there was no conditioning this time since he needed to be able to remember the mark's face and name, who he was with and what he did. If possible, hear what they talked about even if they were about twenty feet from where he was seated. Soul/Less wasn't as crowded as he thought it would be, perhaps because of the hour – barely eight p.m. – or it might be because of how exclusive it is.

He never understood the fascination with Soulmarks, not even back when... He shakes his head trying not to think about that. The people inside that club didn't care about them either.

He scans the entire room while he drinks from the glass in his hands. It didn't really matter if it was real alcohol since it did't affect him at all, and he wishes he could just have another cigarette but it was forbidden to smoke inside and he couldn't leave even if it was just for a few minutes.

_They_ kept their distance, but are always observing him, testing him. Keeping the tight leash.

A loud laugh coming from the other corner of the VIP area he was in pulls him out of his thoughts. James grips the glass in his hands tightly, before taking it to his lips only to realise it was already empty. His mark, the son of some mob boss, orders more drinks for everyone in the room – James assumes that includes him, and the two other couples behind him – and the waitress, dancer, rolls her eyes leaving the room. He follows her with his eyes, and sees her bump into another woman coming his way.

He tries to look away but can't, and it isn't because of the suggestive attire she's wearing, but because when he sees her face, he feels a pang bloom in his chest. His shoulder suddenly aches, and he grips it tightly no understanding where is it coming from.

“This is on the house” She leaves the drink on the glass table infront of him, “I’m Alice, handsome, and this is wonderland”

When she turns she freezes. The lighting of the club doesn’t illuminate much, and he’s dressed in a nice suit, his hair is a lot longer than before and his jaw is clean shaven. It’s the blue eyes she recognises though. The tray falls from her hands, but the man is quick to reach for it – almost impossibly fast – and then looks up at her with narrowed eyes.

“Hello, stranger” Alice says breathlessly.

“Be more careful” James says sharply, giving the tray back to her. 

The woman doesn’t take it from him, her wide brown eyes are glued to him. Not scared just… Surprised. He glances between them, his eyes trailing down her body before he looks at her.

“I don’t want any company“He leaves the tray on the table, “I’m-“

“Are you-“ 

Both stop talking. He purses his lips as she takes a shaky breath in. 

“Your services aren’t required” James narrows his eyes.

Alice looks taken aback. He talks as if he doesn’t remember her, or maybe he hadn’t recognised her. It had been over five years after all. His blue eyes leave her and he tilts his head just slightly to look behind her, that’s when she realises he’s observing someone. 

“Oh” 

He frowns. 

James is there for a _job_. 

The woman, Alice – ‘and this is wonderland’, he chuckles mentally because he now gets it – moves slightly but doesn’t show any sign of leaving. James takes his eyes off his target for a few seconds and glances around the room, where there are other two booths behind him occupied by clients and dancers sitting on their laps. Then he sees the older man that he knew owned the place in the balcony that has a perfect view of the whole club, he’s arguing with a woman with fiery red hair. He had probably sent Alice like he had sent other dancers to him.

“That’s Georgina, the hostess” Alice says, following his eyes, “Frederick owns the place, they are siblings but don’t like each other much” she adds, “Or at all”

James leans back on his chair, not sure why the woman is still talking to him. He remembers that the dancers are suppose to entertain the clients, make them stay so they spent obscene amounts of money in the overpriced drinks.

“I don’t blame her” She chuckles, “No one likes Frederick”

He had been to the club three times before, and he had seen the older man yell at his employees, grab the dancers in ways they definitely didn’t like and, while James smoked outside, slap a woman across the face. 

“He sent you here?” 

Alice glances at Frederick before looking at James and offering a nod. To her annoyance (and blow to her self-esteem), he looks fed up, like she had been there for three hours begging him for tips.

Shame he’s not there to get rid of Frederick, she thinks.

“As lovely as you are to look at” He says then, keeping a nonchalantly tone, “I rather avoid any kind of distractions”

She bites the inside of her cheek, feeling annoyed herself. 

“Distractions” Alice says flatly, stepping closer until she stands between James’ legs, pulling his knees further apart. “You’re in the most exclusive club in the city and a dancer is offering you her company and a free drink, what could I possibly be distracting you from,” She leans in towards him, “ _James_?”

He tenses visibly. Whatever game James is playing at or act he’s putting on, he let’s it fall for a fraction of second before recovering. Alice smiles to herself. Both can play the same game.

The young woman seemed to take his silence as surrender and crawls up into his lap seconds later. James did his best not to tense further at the the warmth of her body pressing close. It had been forever since he got this close to someone else, or since someone dared to get close to him at all. Her brown eyes crinkle with certain mischief, like she knows what she is doing is not allowed. But Alice doesn’t know that he isn’t suppose to have contact with anyone.

“You called me by my name”

Alice looks at him, and the small smile on her face is gone.

“Yes”

Even though she lets the facade fall, he doesn’t. And when he frowns genuinely confused or scared, she isn’t sure, she realises that he _really_ doesn’t remember her. Alice could read the wariness in those familiar blue eyes, and could feel the tension in his body where she straddled his lap. 

“Just… Don’t do anything” James finally says, hands gripping the chair’s armrests.

She looks at the leather glove in one of his hands, and opens her mouth to asks about it but decides to remain quiet when James eyes leave her. She follows his eyes again, settling in James’ lap sideways, legs hooked over one armrest and back resting against the other one. 

“No touching”

Alice says, like he needs a reminder when he has no intention of touching her. She weights almost nothing, so he isn’t exactly uncomfortable with her on his lap, but the sweet smell coming off her skin, and the minty breath coming out of her lips as she talks to him is too distracting. He focuses on the mark, now ‘dancing’ with two other women on his spot while the others around him cheer on him. 

“That’s who you are here for?”

James looks at Alice.

“He looks like he’s celebrating something” 

James hums, doing his best to brush away his annoyance and mild-discomfort in case anyone was watching. He knew Frederick was watching them, well, watching Alice. His instinct tells him there’s something else about the woman, something she isn’t telling him. Maybe she’s a spy sent by someone working against him. His gloved hand grips her hip a little too tight as he pulls Alice closer in his lap.

“No touching” Alice says weakly, and their eyes meet, “James” 

The way she says his name, like he’s not a stranger for her. The phantom ache in his shoulder comes back and this time with a headache. He shuts his eyes tightly. There’s snow surrounding him, a train… Longing, Rusted… _Mathilda_. When he opens his eyes she is looking at him with a frown of concern.

_We don’t have to be alone, you know?_

“You need to leave” He says suddenly, but her grip on her waist tightens.

Alice- Mathilda, she frowns.

“You are from before” 

“What?”

“Just-“

He lets her go, taking his hand to rub his eyes. There are white spots in his vision, and a hammering in his head. 

“Are you alright?” Alice whispers, “James, are you okay?”

Her voice fades away for a split of second. Or so he thinks, because next thing he knows he’s laying on his back. The pain is gone, both in his head and shoulder, and there are white walls surrounding him. _They took him away_? There’s a clinging sound a few feet from him and then he hears water running. The room around isn’t the one he’s always sent to before being put under again, and when his ears finally catch the music in the distance he realises he’s still in the club. 

“Wha…”

Alice jumps slightly when she hears him, and drops the cloth she was using to wipe the make up off her face in the sink. She approaches him slowly, sitting on the couch he’s laying on. She puts a hand on his chest, and he tenses making her regret the action and take her hand back.

“Sorry”

“Where am I?”

Alice looks around, “Private room number 7”

James sits slowly and when she reaches for him to help, he raises a hand stopping her. She sighs heavily in frustration, and lets him accommodate on the couch, Alice notices he moves far away from her as possible but doesn’t say anything.

“You brought me here?”

“Yes” Alice answers, “They thought you were drunk, so I told them you needed to lay down" 

“…Thank you”

He whispers loud enough for her to hear. He hadn’t encountered that kind of… Kindness before, despite now knowing that they actually crossed paths in the past. Mathilda, now Alice, stares at him like she’s waiting for him to say something else. 

“Do you want some water?”

She doesn’t wait until he answers to stand, walk towards the small fridge in the corner of the room and take out a bottle of water. Alice is still wearing the… Costume, but she is wearing a black hoodie over it, the pink wig is gone and he notices her hair is shorter and brown. Alice also looks older than the last time he saw him, of course, and he knows he looks exactly the same. He wonders if she can tell he hadn’t aged a day.

Alice stares as he drowns the entire bottle in a matter of seconds, and she takes a seat on the left side of the couch next to him. 

“What happened to you?” 

He wipes his mouth with the back of his gloved hand and shakes his head, closing his eyes a few seconds. Everything was moving too fast, his heartbeat was accelerated and he couldn’t control his breathing. Alice moves closer to him again, and this time he notices, looking at her with the corner of his eye.

“I thought you were pretending not to remember me, but you really didn’t” Alice says, “And then when you called me Mathilda you pass out, and now-“ 

“ _Stop_ ” James cuts her off, “Whatever you are trying to piece together will only bring you trouble”

Alice bites her bottom lip.

“I told you that if you saw me again you shouldn’t talk to me,” He says quietly, his blue eyes fall on her, “I meant it”

Alice chuckles, hugging herself self-consciously. It was as if he suddenly did remember everything. She also remembers he said that a cleaners’ life wasn’t for her, and wonders if he thinks this was better.

“I’m dangerous” He adds then, “That’s all you need to know about me”

“I know what you do” Alice retorts, “I’m not scared of you” 

“It’s for who I do it _for_ that should scare you”

And the room goes silent again.

James feels like he should leave but something pulls him towards her. Something stronger that his fear for Hydra or his survival instinct, even stronger than the programming inside of his brain. The woman is close enough for him to feel the warmth coming off her body, and his hands twitch to reach for hers.

“I thought of you” Alice then says, barely above a whisper, “At first, when I left that apartment I didn’t, but then I started to think of you often… Miss you even, despite not knowing anything about you” 

Yet he didn’t remember her until an hour ago. They always took everything from him, and he wants to tells her he thought about her but he couldn’t lie to her, he gets the feeling she would be able to tell. James swallows, his gloved hand twitching to reach for her. He would be punished anyways, he reasons, they would erase his memories whether they think they are dangerous or not, so whatever she told him wouldn’t matter tomorrow. 

“I thought you weren’t real”

A ghost. An angel. Alice chuckles, her sight going blurry at the memory of staying awake long nights wondering if he was real. 

“Maybe you still aren't” Alice adds, talking more to herself than to him. 

James’ hand reaches for her shoulder, were the jacket he had offered had slipped off. He doesn’t let himself overthink it, it’s just one touch, he couldn’t feel the skin through the leather glove – he wouldn’t feel her even if he wasn’t wearing it – but it’s almost enough just to imagine how warm and soft it was.

Alice leans into the touch, relieved that he gives the first step, but there is disappointment hidden within the rush of excitement, because there isn’t fireworks, no music, and the time continues as if nothing had happened. That doesn’t make him any less real. The leather glove covering his hand hand is cold, and it makes her skin bristle, and when she finds him staring at her left upper arm she thinks about moving away and covering it.

“It’s...” She looks at it, the pinkish birthmark he touches slightly. 

It looks like a star. And it if was two shades darker it would look like the red star imprinted on his own metal arm. Or like the one he had been born with. A birthmark, a soul mark… His right hand grips his shoulder then, and he feels a stabbing in the back of his head, nails being hammered into his braid over and over. He’s starting to remember, he can’t, he is not allowed. 

“What is it?” 

When James goes pale again, she reaches for his shoulder when he shuts his eyes tightly. Maybe he’s on drugs or there is some type of medication he needs, maybe he is having some kind of attack or a stroke. By the way he rubs his temple she seemed to be suffering from headaches, severe migraines. _Whatever you are trying to piece together will only bring you trouble._ His left hand twitches on his side, and he grips that wrist with his right hand. 

“Are you having a heart attack?” Alice says, “Oh god, oh god” She stands, “I’m gonna get-“

“No” James shakes his head, “No, Alice, no” 

“You need help, I can’t-“

“Just stay”

She swallows tightly, and nods after a few seconds. When she reaches for his hand he moves it away, forcing his body to recoil away from her touch. He can’t do it. If his flesh hand touches her, his skin against her skin and she turns out to be… It’s not fair. He would have to leave soon, he would have to forget again. His memories would be turned to dust. 

“I don't want to forget” 

A small frown crosses her features. 

James was never one to care for those things, specially because he hadn’t been born with a Soulmark, no words imprinted on his skin at all. But now it turns out he did, it just wasn’t a normal one, not to mention his… Soulmate had been born over four decades after him. He looks at Alice, her fingers twisting nervously on her lap. There’s a weariness in her face, one someone who has been looking for a place to belong would have, someone who had been running and running and haven’t found the place she needed to find. 

“I don’t know why… I ended up here” James says quietly, “If I…” 

He doesn’t meant why Hydra sent him there, he knows it’s for the job. But something greater had conspired for him and the woman next to him to find eachother again. Soulmates. Maybe he needed to touch her, she needed to know, and then he would have to leave and maybe Alice could live knowing she found him. It’s a selfish thought, and the first time in so long he has one. 

“We only have five minutes left” Alice says, offering a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. 

And then she will never see him again. Though he will continue to haunt her dreams and fill her thoughts. She jumps slightly at a loud bang coming form upstairs, and the music is replaced by screams. When she is about to stand form the couch, James’ left hand reaches for the back of her neck, gripping softly and making her look at him. 

“Alice” 

“What are you doing? Something’s-”

He leans closer and Alice lets out a shaky breath.

“We already ran out of time”

When he finally kisses her lips the air leaves her lungs. Every sound around them disappears, every light goes out, the world turns away, and time does stand still for them. He pulls back and licks his lips, scanning her face for confirmation that she felt that too. 

“Alice, I-“

Alice leans in to kiss him again, hands fisting his shirt as the kiss becomes more fervent, and he deepens the kiss pulling her body closer to him.

_Bang. Bang. Bang._

He pulls back slightly, Alice panting against his lips.

“Alice” He whispers against her lips, voice hoarse, “Alice, listen to me” 

She presses her forehead against his, she knows he has to go, “Please don’t bury us”

He looks at her with hurt in his eyes, and she looks at him.

“I just found you” Alice whispers,”Why do I have to lose you?”

They can hear several women in panic as they leave the other private rooms, whatever was happening had made them evacuate the club.

“They will kill you” James says, eyes begging her, “Stay away if you see me, Alice”

The door slams open, and two men dressed in all black enter the room. James stands form the couch and Alice follows his action. 

“Asset” One says, “Stand down”

They were burning the whole place down because of him, he had heard shots being fired, and figures they had to finish the job for him and the men are there to collect him, know he isn’t under the conditioning. 

“Kill the woman”

Alice grips his shoulder and James moves to stand between them and her. He looks at her over his shoulder.

“Soldier, stand down!”

“Should’ve known this would end up in a fight” He sneers. 

He pushes Alice and pounces over the men. The air leaves her lungs as she falls backwards, when one of the men starts shooting she isn’t sure if it’s at James or at her, James yells at her to stay back, and she crawls towards the corner of the room, hiding behind the small refrigerator. Alice tries to take a peek, and sees when two more men enter the room.

“He’s lucid!” The man being held by the neck by James yells, “Call it i-“ He breaks his neck like it’s nothing. 

Alice covers her mouth to supress the gasp that leaves her, eyes swelling with tears as the men corner James, shooting what seem to be taser guns. The ones who entered last hadn’t seen her, and when James catches her eyes he she shakes her head, they will hurt him if he keeps fighting.

“All signals are jammed under here” Another one says, “We are gonna have-“

James recovers quickly, and Alice shuts her eyes when pounces over another man. Whoever these men are keep calling him ‘Soldier’ and ‘Asset’, and they aren’t trying to hurt him but keep him down. It’s all over fast after that, James smashes the man’s face against the wall several times and when the one left sees Alice he moves towards her, but before he can reach her she hears a bang. And the man’s blood drenches her face, like a water ballon exploding infront of her. The only shot fired by James of the many she heard.

It all goes quiet. She’s against the wall shutting her eyes tightly, covered in blood and body shaking. There are still people screaming outside the room, trying to leave the building but creating a chaos that makes it more difficult. The smell of smoke reaches her nostrils, and she remembers being in the same position before. 

_You’re not gonna lose me, Mathilda._

_We’ll never be alone again, Mathilda._  

“Alice”

His footsteps are cautious, and before she can tell he’s right infront of her. Alice opens her eyes as he kneels infront of her. There’s blood on her face and neck, and he stops as he reaches for her like he’s afraid to touch her at first, before he takes off his jacket and starts wiping her face.

“What is happening, James?” Alice asks, “Who are they?” 

James shakes his head and she throws her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. Alice wants to tell him he has her, that she can help if he asks her. But he doesn’t say anything, he hugs her waist and stands up, helping her to her feet. 

“You leave first” He says, “I will make sure no one follows you”

Alice pulls back and he kisses her lips, a quick peck he hopes she accepts as a goodbye.

“We will find our way to eachother” Alice cups his face with both hands, “Even if you forget”

Whatever that meant, whoever made him forget.

Tears cling to her eyelashes and her cheeks are wet when she looks at him, and James nods finally, so she walks away from him throwing one last glance at him. 

 

 

When she closes the door behind her his feet and legs ache to run after her, but something inside James tells him that if he never sees her again it would be for her own sake. This life, the life he had but didn’t chose, was not a life for her either.

James walks up to one of the dead bodies laying on the floor and opens the jacket they are wearing, picking up one of the grenades they carried with them.

 

* * *

 

There are bright red and blue lights waiting outside, ambulances and firetrucks, and there is a crowd surrounding the scene being pushed back by police officers. Her ears are ringing and the smell of smoke is making her feel dizzy, she sees several people being carried to the ambulances while the paramedics check on them. A woman approaches her, and throws a blanket around her shoulders. 

Alice feels the bile rise to her throat when she catches the pile of dead bodies being carried inside other vehicles, she coughs a few times, trying to focus on what the paramedic tells her but she can’t. Alice is dragged towards an ambulance and someone else puts an oxygen mask on her, before she is left alone again. It had been about twenty minutes since she had been in the room and first heard the shots, and now… It’s absolute chaos.

One of the club’s security guards runs towards the firemen, “There’s still people in-“ 

The loud explosion coming from behind the building makes the ground and the ambulance she is on shake. Alice grips the blanket around her with one hand and the oxygen mask with the other as her body recoils when a second explosion follows. The crowd disperses, there’s smoke, and glass everywhere, and the fire becomes uncontrollable. A cacophony of sirens make her head pound, and she takes of the mask so she can turn her head and vomit. 

“There were people inside!” 

“Let the firemen through!”

For a moment, when she is wiping her mouth and leaning against the ambulance, everything goes silent and all she can see is the building about to collapse, the people running away from the scene or trying to get a closer look. And then she notices the bodies being carried away. Alice feels her cheeks wet, and her sight blurs with tears when she recognises the red hair in one of the bodies being covered by a blanket.

Alice shuts her eyes and starts walking away from the scene, losing herself in the crowd of bodies. It was time for her to start again.


	3. 2014

"Jane, for the last time!"

Darcy enters with a box of donuts in her hands and a bag of takeout from their favorite Thai restaurant on top of it. Jane sighs, closing the leather journal she had been reading for the past two hours. Her stomach growls embarrassingly when the smell of food reaches her nose, and only the she remembers she hadn't had lunch and her breakfast had only been a bowl of cereal. She hadn’t felt like cooking since they had moved barely two weeks prior and the kitchen supplies – which Darcy had insisted on buying despite neither being a good cook – were still in their boxes, which were piled up in the guest room soon to be Jane’s studio room.

"You need to leave this place for a while"

Jane chuckles leaning back on the couch, "We just moved, Darcy, maybe we should relax for a few days" she then adds, "Weeks, months even"

Darcy opens and closes her mouth a few times before she pouts and finally makes an agreement noise. Jane and her had been traveling non-stop for the past three months.

After London – Jane being possesed by the aether, Thor coming back, elves running amok in Greenwich, almost dying but getting saved by Loki of all people, Thor leaving again – she had been contacted by SHIELD. Unlike the first time, when they had tried to steal her work, they wanted her to work with them, with a new team and a research facility just outside manhatthan. She accepted, taking Darcy and her intern Ian (who happened to be Darcy’s soulmate) but Erik didn’t join them, she knew his mind worked like before, but he said everything else seemed too much for him to deal with.

She often collaborated with scientists and astrophysicists from Stark Industries too, and more than one occasion she had met Bruce Banner. They were on different fields but both were interested on each other's works, and both had projects funded by Tony Stark.

Jane Foster really couldn't complain about her life much, third time had really being the charm.

No one asked about her past. She had only told Darcy _everything_ after the woman got her drunk at a New Year's party about four years ago. Darcy promised not to ever bring it up since she had noticed it made Jane sad. She didn't tell her about James, her soulmate despite not being able to be together like she had been told Soulmates were suppose to. For some reason Jane felt he was only a memory she should keep safe from the rest of the world.

After the last time she saw him, she tried to look for him despite James being clear that he didn’t want to, that it was dangerous for them to be together. Whenever she heard the name she froze, and when she read or heard something in the news that would make her think of him she would jump from her seat. For years she tried to find him, until one day she realised that she had spiral down looking for a ghost, and it would end up consuming her completely if she continued down that path. So she tried to let him go. 

Still, every now and then she would start dreaming of him. Her mind would wander until his name was all she could think of and his face all she could see. 

After everything that happened with the Aether, she had been left with realistic nightmares and visions of her past, her body felt tired all the time and she barely left her room. Thor had told her that it would take her mind a long time to recover from it, and gave her something that would heal her body although it would stop her from ageing for a while. That had scared her but Thor said that once she stopped drinking it she would be ‘normal’ again, since the ‘magic potion’, like Darcy called it – which was made from a fruit only found in Asgard – was going to be carefully processed only for her. The last time he had given it to her was about five months prior, she had been in Prague, it was also the last time she had seen him. 

Once again Thor had saved her life and then disappeared.

"Jane"

She blinks a few times, and looks at Darcy.

"You were like..." She makes a vague gesture, "Did you get any sleep last night?" 

Jane nods, "about six hours"

"Mm" Darcy hums, "Brought lunch, by the way" she says as if the smell hadn't reach Jane's nose already, "And I picked up you mail" 

"Leave it on the count-" 

"I opened your mail" She sings. 

Jane looks at her, "You do know that's illegal, right?"

“Living on the edge, baby” Darcy retorts.

 

 

Jane stands from the couch, leaving the old journal aside. It was the one Thor recovered for her when they met, and despite her already knowing so much more than what was written there, she kept it and read from it sometimes. 

"You got invited to the Captain America exhibit opening" Darcy announces.

She hums, walking behind the kitchen counter and taking the invite from her hands. It came with a handwritten letter signed by Pepper Potts, and it said something about Tony Stark paying all her expenses if she decided to travel to Washington to see it.

"Darcy we just came from-"

"I know! But New York is so boring right now, D.C. Is clearly where is at" Darcy waves the three tickets for the exhibit infront of her face, "Plus this isn't work, it's like a payed vacation" 

Jane snatched the tickets from Darcy's hands and stares at them for a few seconds. She had a point, it was literally a payed vacation.

"This is on Friday" Jane deadpans, "that's two days from now, Darcy, it's too late to RS-" 

"Hey, Pepper!" Darcy grins at her, holding her phone to her ear, "Good, good, listen Doctor Foster had been super busy and hadn't had time to even open her mail so-" Jane groans, "Yes, we were- and my boyfriend too, actually" Darcy's grin widens, "Seriously? Thank you so much!... Yeah, we'll see you there, bye"

Jane, who had only half being paying attention while rummaging inside the food bag, cocks an eyebrow at Darcy. The woman hangs up and throws a fist on the air.

"Am I the best intern or what?" She says, "Pepper had already gotten us a hotel reservation and reserved out flight, she will mail me the info, quote, ASAP"

Jane frowns, holding a box of noodles in one hand and a fork in another, "If she had already done all the work, why are you the best intern?"

Darcy pouts her lips, "Don't rain on my parade, Foster" She says taking the fork from her hands and replacing them with chopsticks, "Please, submerge yourself in the full asian cuisine experience"

“They don’t use chopsticks in Thailand, you know?” Jane says, but keeps them anyways.

Darcy shrugs, and reaches for the box of donuts. Jane drags one of the stools behind them and sits, before stuffing her face with the delicious and thankfully warm food her friend had bought for her. She often thought that Darcy’s job was more like baby sitting her, and wondered if it bothered her to be so worried about her all the time. Darcy eats the donuts in silence, and Jane stares at the tickets for a few seconds.

"Do you think Cap- Steve Rogers agreed to this?"

Darcy tilts her head, "Why wouldn't he?" 

Jane considers it, "Well, they are showing off a bunch of stuff that belonged to him but now is the government’s or something, putting up pictures he probably never saw or doesn't remember and, well, exhibiting his life like he was some kind of... Freakshow"

Darcy kicks her softly, "Hey, that man is a natural treasure" she says mouthful, after a few seconds she shrugs, "I think of him more like a... Living fossil" she chuckles at her own joke, and when she catches Jane's serious face she clears her throat, "It's not like they are exploiting him, you know, I think it's for people to be reminded that he's only human, so we can appreciate more what he does for us" Darcy then adds, "whatever that is right now"

Jane makes an agreement noise. Darcy has a point, people needed to be reminded that he was more than a superhero. After she met Thor, she thought Gods and monsters would continue to drop down the skies to either save the world or try to destroy it , then New York happened and people started being afraid instead of feeling safer. They needed to be reminded that the Avengers would protect the world if the world needed them. Captain America was a symbol of hope. 

“Ian is coming?” Jane asks Darcy then. 

Darcy nods, “Yep, he is a huge Captain America fan” she then looks at her apologetically, “Should I have asked?”

“No, it’s fine” She smiles softly, “I know for a fact you two can’t be away from eachother for too long” 

Jane finishes eating trying to ignore Darcy’s eyes on her as she stands and starts cleaning the counter. 

“Do you think Thor will be there?” 

“I don’t think so” She answers, making a nod on the trash bag, “He is a king now, he can’t just-“

“I kinda miss him” Darcy sighs dramatically, “I wonder how he’s dealing with all that” 

Jane did too.

“Do they have soulmates in Asgard?”

She freezes infront of the sink, before she recovers and reaches for the faucet. Thor had told her that Soulmates weren’t a thing in Asgard, which is why he had tried a relationship with her, but soon he realised that it was not going to be as easy for Jane. She did try, and maybe if James hadn’t kiss her that day Jane would have never know he was her soulmate and it would have been easier for her. She would continue to have that hollow feeling in her chest, but… Maybe Thor and her would have had an actual chance.

“Sore subject I see”

Jane waves a hand, “I don’t really mind talking about that” 

Darcy chuckles, “You can’t even say Thor’s name” 

“I thought you meant soulmates” Jane says matter of fact. 

“Ah” Darcy pouts, “That too”

Jane takes her hand to her left arm, and looks at Darcy, who is looking back at her with an apologetic look on her face. 

“Are you still drinking that medicine he gave you?” 

Jane shakes her head softly, “I finished it like a month ago” she answers, “I think I don’t have to drink it anymore”

“It made you sleep like a baby” Darcy adds, “Lately you’ve been talking on your sleep” 

“Really?”

Darcy hums, “Is it you PTSD?” she asks then.

“I don’t have-“

“You kinda do, Jane”

Jane rolls her eyes, “You can’t ‘kinda’ have PTSD, Darcy”

“Ok, you have nightmares every night now, you refuse to leave your apartment, you never went to that therapist Pepper told you about, you take pills that could put a horse to sleep but still can’t get over six hours of rest” Darcy is breathless when she pauses, “And you can’t get more of the _only_ thing that seemed to be helping because you can’t talk to Thor” 

“I don’t… Not want to leave the apartment” Jane finally says, it comes out weakly.

“But you don’t want to talk to him” Darcy crosses her arms.

“I don’t want to talk _about_ James” Jane’s voice is a little too high, and Darcy looks taken aback, “I’m- I’m sorry, I just-“ She runs a hand through her hair and face, “he’s just not going to drop from the skies every time I have a problem” 

“Did you say James?” 

Jane frowns. She did. She leans against the counter and covers her face, feeling too tired all of sudden now that her belly was full. She hadn’t even realise she was thinking about him. Jane hadn’t thought about him in months and hadn’t said his name in years, her nights were filled with dreamless sleeps and on days all she could think about was her work. There had been no space for James in her head. 

“James is…” Jane rubs her eyes with the heel of her hands, “James…”

After a few seconds she remains quiet.

“You really need to get more sleep” Darcy finally says, she reached for her phone and looks at the screen, “We got tickets for tomorrow at 9 in the morning, we better start packing”

 At least she can get some sleep before hand.

 

* * *

 

 

“Look at all this rich people” Ian says in Darcy’s ear, a little to loud.

Darcy slaps his shoulder and Jane smiles behind her glass of champagne. The Captain America exhibit and the Smithsonian Institution was in fact crowded with people who were, well, important which translated to rich, and it would open to the public the next week. The curators were being interviewed by the press in the conference room, and they had to wait for them to finish so the rest entered afterwards, in the meantime they offered champagne and snacks. Pepper had told them that the event was formal the night before, but she had already gotten them clothes – thankfully – the only problem was that Jane’s dress was a bit too tight for her liking, despite Ian complimenting her with a ‘you look amazing, Doctor Foster’, although it could have been that Darcy told him to or that he was actually surprised to see wearing something other that lab coats or jeans. 

The mark on Jane’s arm had been bothering her since Darcy unknowingly reminded her of James, and although she had covered with make up she could feel Darcy’s gaze on it from time to time.

“Is your rash alright?” The woman finally asks minutes later.

Jane narrows her eyes, “It’s not a rash”

Darcy makes a face, “Sorry” she reaches for another canapé, “You kept scratching it last night, while you were sleeping” 

Jane frowns, not remembering doing so.

Darcy takes a sip from her Champagne, looking at Jane with the corner of her eye like waiting for her to say something else about it. Ian, who had left them for a few minutes, comes back with a grin on his face.

“Quick give me my phone” He says, taking Darcy’s purse from her, “I think I just saw Neil Degrasse Tyson over there” 

Jane chuckles, and Darcy rolls her eyes with a small adoring smile on her face.

“I’ll go with you, I want a pic too” Darcy says, she turns to Jane, “Are you gonna be-“ 

“Yeah, go” Jane waves a hand, and the woman smiles leaving with Ian. 

It takes her a few minutes to realise that she is standing awkwardly near the canapes table, just like the ugly girl at prom in all those 80s movies did. She drowns the last of her champagne and leaves the glass on the table, before going to find a waiter to get herself another drink. The crowd then starts dispersing, and Jane forgets about getting the drink and follows them inside to finally see the exhibit. 

She follows a small group being guided by one of the curators at first, but ends up wandering around by herself like most people are. One of the guides says that most items was donated by Captain America’s friend Tony Stark, and that they belonged to his father prior to him, Howard Stark had also been Steve Roger’s friend and the one who helped create the serum that gave him his superhuman abilities.

There are recordings playing on each item, and Jane walks around listening to every fact about Steve Rogers. 

 _The serum was created by Dr. Abraham Erskine. To this day no one knows what the secret formula is._  

 _While on tour in Azzano, Italy, Rogers saved the life of 163 people, including that of his best friend Sargeant James Buchanan Barnes._  

Jane turns so fast her vision goes blurry, she bumps into a shoulder and stumbles backwards.

“Doctor Foster!”

Ian grips her waist and Darcy puts a hand on her shoulder. Jane covers her hand with hers and shuts her eyes tightly.

“Are you alright, Doctor Foster?” Ian asks, concern laced in his words. 

Darcy is holding her empty glass of champagne when she opens her eyes and looks at her. Jane shakes her head and waves a hand. 

“I shouldn’t have drank all that champagne without eating something first” She chuckles, not wanting to worry her.

Jane turns around to look for where the voice came from and when she sees a poster of The Howling Commandos, she pushes pass Darcy and Ian ignoring them when they call her name, and walks towards it at a fast pace. Her hands are shaking, and she isn’t sure why she walks so fast, her lungs deflate and inflate too fast and her heart is racing inside her ribcage.

She stops infront of a glass, imprinted with the image of a familiar face, blue eyes she had dreamt about seeing again for so long.

 

 

“Jane, are you okay?”

“It says James Buchanah Barnes died in 1945” Jane licks her lips, turning to Darcy, “I met him in 1999, that’s-“ she looks back at the picture, trying to count in her mind how many years.

“That’s impossible, Jane” Darcy says, and Jane realises how close she gets, talking in a low voice before reaching for her, “Jane, maybe we should-“

Jane shrugs her off, and shakes her head.

“Darcy this is him” Jane says, “James Buchanan Barnes”

_Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable in both the schoolyard and the battlefield._

_Barnes is the only howling commando to give his life in service of this country._

Jane doesn't even realise she's crying until her cheeks feel wet. James Buchanan Barnes was _her_ James. Her Soulmate was... A man who had been born, and who died decades ago. Maybe just like Steve Rogers he somehow survived. And all those years looking for him rush to her head, and the guilt sits heavy on her chest because she hadn't been looking where she was suppose to.

 

 

The room starts spinning again, and she gets an unpleasant feeling in pit of her stomach. The last thing she registers is Darcy calling her name, and a pair of arms catching her as she falls.

 

* * *

 

“She has been like this for over a week now”

“Maybe you should just give her space”

“Space? She hasn’t left her room in almost two weeks, Ian, not even when she’s working she’s like this“

“Darcy, she just needs time to process the- whatever it is that-“

“You don’t even know what this is about, neither do I and I honestly think she doesn’t either”

“Is it her PTSD?”

“She says she doesn’t have PTSD”

“Do you think this is the same thing that happened to Professor Erik“

“No! Jane was never…”

Darcy trails off. Like she can read her mind, Jane knows she thinks that this has something to do with Jane coming in contact with the aether, just like Erik was affected by Loki’s staff, for some reason Thor believed both things were related, it was the reason why he had left and hadn’t come back. Jane had been listening to Ian and Darcy argue outside her room in a hushed tone for the past ten minutes. It started when she woke up, or more like she woke up because Darcy wanted to enter the room and make sure she was still alive, and then Ian said it was better if she wasn’t disturbed – Thank you very much, Ian, you are indeed a good intern – because Jane had stayed up late again one her computer.

That wasn’t bothering Darcy, she was used to Jane staying up late for days working, it was the fact that Jane had been – for a week, like she said – looking up James Buchanan Barnes. There wasn’t much to about him, he was mostly referred as ‘Captain’s America’s dead friend’ and a ‘war hero’. 

It was all so surreal. Jane had _seen_ him, she had talked with him, they had touched and kissed, and he was her soulmate… _He was real_ , but for the rest of the world he had been dead for over 70 years.

“Maybe you are a ghost” She says, hand reaching upwards like she could reach for him somehow. 

Darcy and Ian walk away from her door a few seconds later, and then they turn on the tv in the living room, finally leaving Jane alone. She lays on her side, looking at the clock in her night stand and sighs when she realises it wasn’t working properly, and she is about to reach for her phone when she hears Darcy call Ian’s name.

“Don’t- Ian!”

And then there’s a knock on her door. Jane rolls her eyes and covers her face with her pillow, groaning as loud as she can, before throwing the pillow away and and jumping form the bed in one swift movement. She slams the door open and narrows her eyes.

“I’m fine!”

“Captain America just blew up a space ship!” Ian exclaims, before he runs back to the living room.

Jane walks towards the living room then, ignoring the way Darcy glares at her boyfriend, and sits on the couch next to the man. She forgets to ask if he had been staying with them for the past few days when she sees the news channel reporting that an incident had taken place in the Potomac. 

“It’s not a space ship” Jane says, eyes glued to the screen, “It’s the Helicarriers”

She had heard about SHIELD’s Project Insight months ago. Jane stands from her bed and runs towards her room, reaching for her phone at the same time she opened her computer. The phone rings three times before the person on the other line picks up. 

“Sharon, what the hell is going on?”

 

* * *

 

_Bucky._

_You are my friend._

_Until the end of the line._  

He wakes up gasping for air and covered in a thin layer of sweat. The shivers that ran down his body day and night immediately start, and he runs a hand through his face and hair, still not sure why they appeared. The pillow his head had been laying on had ended up a few feet away from him and the sheets had tangled on her legs and feet, making him feel like they were trying to trap him. He kicks them off him and moves to a sitting position, his left shoulder protests when he puts his weight on it and he takes his right hand there to make sure the bandages he had wrapped himself with were still in place. The arm was self-repairing, as long as he didn’t move it too much it would be alright, so he had to wrap his shoulder tightly and keep it like that for a few more days.

It had been four days since Washington, the Potomac, four days since he had finally being able to escape. Since Bucky Barnes started to remember. 

The headaches hadn’t gone away, half his brain trying to remember and the other half punishing him for it. It felt like a tug war inside his mind, he had no choice but to manage the pain and hope it passed soon.

After Washington he had gone to the safehouse Hydra had him in during the mission, he got in as fast as he could and got a few supplies, before he left making sure no one was following him. Whatever that man had done – the one who he saved from drowning, who called him Bucky – left Hydra at chaos, the final head of the monster had been cut and it had left the followers no other choice than to run and hide. He was relieved only partly, because that meant they will also try to come for him.

They won’t look for him in New York just yet.

Something about the city had called him, he had the feeling he had left something important there for himself to find once he was… Free. But once he got to the place he remembered feeling something other than dread, it had been empty. Nothing but four lonely walls and a mattress on the floor. He had slept on it the first night, but he had felt like it was swallowing him up and ended up sleeping on the floor, which was surprisingly more comfortable.

He stands up from the floor and walks towards the bathroom, leaning against the sink for a few seconds before reaching for the faucet. He gathers water in his hand and splashes it on his face, trying to wash the last of the sleepiness away in vain. When he goes back to sit on the mattress he hears voices coming from the hall.

 

 

Normally, people would come and gone as the day passed but this time the voices are approaching _his_ door, and he walks silently towards the duffle bag in the corner of the bedroom, where he had several guns and a lot of ammo. He picks up one and walks towards the bathroom, hiding behind the door.

The conversation is not a loud one, but he gathered that it was only two people, the man with an accent that had rented him the room and the other one a softer one, a woman’s. His hand twitched and he moves his finger away from the trigger, lowering the gun despite not being sure he should. 

The door opens and he shuts his eyes tightly, because he had stupidly forgotten to use the door chain.

“You didn’t talk to me or saw me at all” The man with the accent says warningly, and then walks away.

He straightens, gripping the gun tightly and lifting it up again. For a few seconds there isn’t any movement, and then cautious steps making the wooden floor creak start moving around the living room. His left shoulder throbs, but is more a dull ache than pain, James does his best to ignore it but is in vain. He is too tired of trying to hide his pain away. The steps stop just right outside the bedroom door, and then all he can hear is his own breathing.

“It’s Alice”

The soft voice bounces against the walls.

“Or Mathilda?”

The woman sounds nervous or anxious, but still continues to move closer to him. 

“You might not remember me” She stays still, “You said… They will make you forget”

He isn’t sure if the woman knows who she is talking to, but she seems sure of what she is saying.

“James”

He cocks the gun. And when he leaves the bathroom, he sees the woman in the middle of the room, giving two strides towards her before pinning her to the nearest wall, holding the gun to her head. His shoulder protests, this time burning as he grips the back of her neck almost too tightly, he realises it when she grimaces but doesn’t attempt to free herself form his hold. 

“Who are you?” He growls, “What are you-“

“I came for you” The woman cuts him off, her voice is shaky but when he looks at her in the eye she doesn’t look scare of him, “I told you- I said that we would find our way to eachother” 

Her hands are making fists on each side of her body, and his eye scan her face. This is no life for you, Matilda. A stabbing pain in the back of his head make his vision blurry, he rubs his temple with the heel of his right hand, the hand holding the gun, and he tries to blink the blurriness away in vain. Please don’t bury us. He feels a hand cup her jaw and the woman makes him look at her, both of her hands holding his face in place then. 

“A- Alice?”

“It’s Jane now” She says, and she tries to smile but her bottom lip trembles.

That… That sounds _right_.

After a few seconds, “I’m Bucky” 

The woman throws her hands around his neck pulling him for a tight embrace. He lets go of the gun, and it falls on the wooden floor with a loud thud that he ignores as he returns the embrace. That girl, this woman, his soulmate. How could he forget? How were they able to take that from him? Bucky circles her waist and buries his face on the crook of her neck, finally knowing why he had gone back to that place. The place they first met and the first time they said goodbye. 

He lets go of the the anger, the powerlessness, the dread, and every voice that cried inside his head goes silent.

 

* * *

  

Jane stares at him like he’s some kind of apparition, he paces around the room closing the doors and looking outside the windows every few minutes trying to ignore her gaze on him. He isn’t sure what to say or what to do, and neither does she, but she shows no sign of wanting to leave and he really doesn’t want her to go. 

She sits on the matters in silence, hugging her legs while her eyes follow him from one side of the room to the other. It should make him uncomfortable, he should feel uneasy and he knows that, yet her presence is weirdly comforting. 

"I brought you something"

Jane reaches for the bag that hung from her shoulder, and opens it after glancing at him one last time. Bucky – and it feels good to remember that – walks towards her, standing infront of her for a few seconds before crouching until their eyes are at the same level. Jane has a leather notebook in her hands, a journal, and she looks at him as she opens it. 

"It's from this exhibit about Cap- Steve Rogers" 

He looks at the picture of the man. Steve.

"I wrote down things you might want to know-"

Bucky reaches for the book and closes it, leaving it on her lap before putting his hand over hers. Jane stares at where their hands meet taking a breath in before looking at him, only to regret doing so when she sees the weariness wash over his face. He doesn’t need to know everything right now, he wants to say but the words get stuck in his throat, and then silence falls upon them and he realises that just like him, Jane doesn’t seem to know what comes next. 

"I know what happened" She says after a few seconds, "At the Potomac, and SHIELD-" 

"You can't trust SHIELD” 

"I know, I know" She says hurriedly, "I just… Want you to know that I know," He frowns slightly, “...What you know” she finishes, letting out a weak chuckle. 

He feels the corner of his mouth twitch, like he wants to smile but he is too tired to do so. Then his head starts throbbing again, and he puts his weight on his knees, rubbing his temples to try to make it go away.

"Bucky" Jane’s voice sounds distant, "Tell me what I can do" And then she adds more quietly, more to herself, "I don't know what to do”

He wants to tell her that she doesn't need to do anything, that he will be fine. That now they can finally be together because what the world thinks will never matter, no one will come for them because they will forget soon. But he can't lie to her, he gets the feeling she will be able to tell.

"Stay"

So Jane does.

 

* * *

 

 

The next two days Bucky mostly sleeps. Jane buys a few groceries after seeing the army rations he had been feeding himself with, she buys water and coffee, not sure if he would like sodas or sugary drinks of any kind. She sleeps on the mattress while he insists on sleeping on the floor, when he tries resting on the mattress he trashes on the bed for almost an hour, until Jane tells him maybe he should try the couch in the living room, and when he does he wonders why didn’t he do it before.

Jane hides the journal she brought and she doesn't bring it up again. 

Bucky is a lot more quiet, and Jane feels useless when she finds him staring outside the window like he's in some kind of trance. When he seems more lucid, he stares like he’s waiting for someone to come for him. She didn’t ask about what happened to him after the last time they saw eachother though she had an idea, and when he asks about what happened to her she tells him almost everything, leaving out Thor and space knowing that the world must seem huge and scary enough for him already. Jane adds that her work got her to stay in New York permanently. 

"Maybe permanently isn't a word I should use," She says, looking outside the window at the busy city, "Sometimes I feel there is somewhere else I should be"

But in that moment with him, she doesn't get that feeling. 

Jane had seen the guns and the bag with worn-out clothes hidden in the closet. She tries to find a moment to talk about it but he is the one who brings it up first.

"It's for protection"

Jane realises that Bucky knows that Hydra isn’t done with him yet. 

On the third night, Jane is fast asleep when she feels the mattress sink with his weight. She thinks it’s her imagination at first, until a cold hand touches her shoulder and her eyes open as a gasp escapes her lips.

"Shit” She curses, “You startled me”

"Sorry" 

Jane tells him it’s okay, and moves to a sitting position. She reaches for her phone under the pillow, feeling too lazy to reach for the lamp a few feet from them to light up the room, but Bucky's hand covers hers stopping her from doing so. 

"I want to show you something" 

Jane nods, and then she remembers the room is too dark for him to see her doing so, "Okay" 

He stays still, and her eyes get a little more used to the dark, Jane sees his silhouette and his features barely illuminated by the dim light coming from the outside through the window. Bucky rises his left hand, moon light reflecting on the shinny metal hand. Of course she knew about it, but she hadn't asked because she knew that was the reason of so much pain for him.

"Can I..."

A frown crosses his features, and when Jane reaches for his hand he nods. There's a moment where their palms meet and Jane thinks about the whole 'Me Tarzan, you Jane' scene from the movie, she chuckles mentally but doesn't mention it knowing that he wouldn't understand it. His metal hand is cold to the touch but it doesn't feel like just metal, there is a strange vibration underneath that’s barely registrable but there nevertheless. Almost like a heartbeat.

Jane runs her hand up and down his arm, finally resting in his upper arm where there is a star engraved on the metal and painted in red.

"Does it hurt?"

He shakes his head, "Nothing hurts right now"

Bucky stares at her face looking for any sign of rejection or fear, disgust even. But he should have known that she would accept what he offers her. Pieces of him, what Hydra didn’t take. He can trust her, not because they are Soulmates but because Jane… She wants him as he is. He wishes he could remember the first time they met more clearly, he wishes he could apologise for leaving her the second time but he can’t remember doing so even though he _knows_ it was to protect her. The journal she had brought him – which she seemed to have forgotten about but Bucky found underneath the matters that afternoon – was filled with lists of things he missed out, she wrote about herself too and the two times they met. Jane wrote about Steve Rogers too. And it was odd to read things about himself that he didn’t remember, but he was thankful she had. Now, he felt that he needed to let her know about him too.

"I want to tell you what happened" Bucky whispers, “The things I did”

Jane looks at him, eyebrows knitting together. Her hand hesitates as she reaches for him, like she’s afraid she would hurt him instead of the other way around, and he leans into her touch. His hand covers hers as she places her palm against his chest. 

“I need to tell you everything”

What he remembers.

“That… You don't have to tell me right now“ Jane says quietly.

The man shakes his head, “I just need you to know first” 

After a few seconds Jane nods.

“I don’t remember much before I feel from the train”

Bucky is vague as he speaks, he talks mostly about what he remembers from after the fall, about his life before it happened he has only three memories of Steve Rogers. He remembers being experimented on but not for how long, yet he remembers pulling the trigger each time and every single face. Jane’s nails sink on her palms, feeling angry at all the things they did to him, and when he stops talking she realises her cheeks are wet and cold. 

“If I could-“ He swallows audibly, “I wish I was something else“ He finishes, “Something other than a killer, a monster or an experiment that-“

“You are my Soulmate” Jane says quietly, and she bites her bottom lip, feeling something like resentment recoil her insides, it’s aimed at him because he is putting all of those things Hydra made him above what he was born as. 

Bucky stares at her, and when she glares at him with tears in her eyes he sees the young girl her first met. Angry and afraid, just like he spent most of his life being under Hydra’s control. And Bucky nods, because he really wants to be that one thing, her soulmate, even if it’s only as long as they are together.

His hands shake when he cups her face, before he leans in for a kiss. Her lips are salty with tears but there’s a familiar taste underneath. It's not a simple touch of their lips this time, he kisses her deeply and it takes the air out of her lungs much like the first time they ever kissed. Jane fists his shirt and Bucky leans back, taking a look at her face before he captures her lips again, she moans inside the kiss and it ignites something inside of him that only awakes when she’s near. She starts unbuttoning the shirt she is wearing, not wanting to break the kiss again, her clumsy fingers take too long to complete the task and Bucky ends up pulling from it.

"Sorry, sorry" he whispers against her lips when the buttons go flying all over the room.

Jane shakes her head, it doesn’t matter, and throws her arms around his neck. Her hands cup his jaw before they move down his neck, and then to squeeze his shoulders. When Bucky tenses and breaks the kiss, she realises she touched where the skin met the metal in his left shoulder.

"I'm-"

Bucky shakes his head, "no, no, it's just..."

It was too much too soon. He was as overwhelmed as her, but unlike her he still wasn't ready to process so much. Bucky hadn't even recovered from the shock of finding out who he was. He kisses her again, desperately chasing the feeling he got when they started, but Jane pulls back slightly. 

"It's okay" Jane says then, "You don't have to take it all at once" 

He feels embarrassed, even humiliated when his body begins running cold almost immediately. But Jane's hands cup each side of his face and she makes him look at her.

"It's too much" He says apologetically. 

"I understand" Jane says, her nose rubbing against his softly, “It’s okay, I understand”

He circles her wrists, "I missed you" he confesses, it takes him by surprised but he doesn't take it back, he then adds, "Even when I never had you" 

Jane makes a sound between a chuckle and a whimper, "Even before I existed you had me, Bucky"

They lay next to eachother that last night. Bucky shivers despite the room being warm, and hogs the covers completely at first. Jane remembers the same thing happen to her when he left the last time, she already knew he was her soulmate but he had left. Soulmates longed to be together even before they met, and craved for eachother once they had bonded. It was like suffering from withdrawals. She used to think Darcy was joking when she mentioned she couldn't be away from Ian for too long.

Jane finishes undressing and the slides under the covers. He is between asleep and awake when he turns, laying his head on her chest and letting her wrap her arms around him.

“I got you” Jane says quietly, “I got you”

 

* * *

 

Bucky rests his head on the wall as he stares at the sun rising in the horizon. He takes the last sip from coffee left in the cup in his hands and stares at the still quiet city, soon it would be the same chaos it turned to every morning, car horns and noisy crowds, he wasn't sure he liked it too much and he wouldn't be able to stay long enough to get used to it. He turns his head to face Jane, tangled in the single sheet on top of the mattress fast asleep.

 _Even before I existed you had me_.

Jane Foster. His Jane. Her Bucky. Steve's Bucky. Steve Rogers. 

The two people that had been the anchor to the man Hydra trapped inside his own head, the one he was before Hydra made him

their weapon. Bucky looks a her again, and remembers he had gotten the chance to save Steve too, he realises Hydra didn't take everything from him.

Jane stirs in her sleep, and Bucky leaves his spot next to the window, walking as silently as possible towards her. The woman slides her hand towards the spot he had occupied last night, and he sees a frown appear in her face before she opens one eye.

"Why aren't you here?" She asks, patting the empty side of the bed. 

Bucky's lips quirk upwards and Jane stares at him for a few seconds before moving to a sitting position, wrapping herself tightly with the blanket like she just remembers she was naked underneath. 

"Did you get enough sleep?" She rubs her left eye with the heel of her hand.

"More than enough" he answers, "thank you"

She smiles softly, almost shyly, and the after a few seconds, "Are you okay?" 

Her voice is soft and she looks at him, a wrinkle of concern appear between her brows.

"I need to ask you something" Bucky says, "For something"

Jane glanced at the bags in the corner of the room and then at him. He's already fully dressed, and she looks at him and nods after a few seconds. Bucky drags one of the bags towards him and opens it, walking then to her with one shirt in his hands and Jane's lips are pulled by smile she ends up suppressing as her cheeks turn slightly pink.

He turns to give her privacy.

"There's something I need to find" Bucky starts, "something they have"

Jane frowns, standing from the bed and reaching for her underwear and pants. 

"Hydra" Jane says, and Bucky hums.

"It's something that's... Dangerous for them to have"

He turns and looks at her.

"I need to find it"

"What is it?"

His mind.

Bucky remains quiet. Jane sees something cross his features, fear mixed with something else. It had to do with what they did to him, the 'conditioning', the reason he got headaches, why he couldn't remember his past. Hydra controlled him and he knew how. And then it hits Jane, Bucky needed to find it before... They could be together. 

"How?"

Bucky was expecting her to ask him not to, or at least why. It would obviously mean that once again they would have to part ways, and she had been clear that she didn't want that to happen, and even though he hadn't voiced it he didn't want it either. Her hand rests on his left shoulder, and she doesn't squeeze but does rubs her thumb softly against the joint between his shoulder and neck, where the metal met the skin. He puts his hand over hers and takes it to his lips, kissing softly.

How many mornings they will get like that, he thinks, once everything was over. He wanted to make sure Hydra was gone completely, he had to. Before he could return to her, go look for Steve and finally live. 

"While I was awake they kept me in different safe houses" He turns to her, "I might be able to clear them all or at least most of them"

Jane looks scared, as much as he was but tried to hide it. 

"Where do you have to go?" 

"It's better if-" 

"If I don't know, right" Jane chuckles nervously, “Will I be able to hear from you at least?“ 

“It could be dangerous” 

Jane stares at him and finally nods.

"Bucky you are... You are a ghost, you have no identity, no papers..." 

"I took everything I needed" he looks pointedly at the bags, and Jane nods sitting next to him with her eyes glued to the window, he reaches for her hand, intertwining their fingers, "I want to stay with you"

She looks at the metal fingers intertwined with hers,“I do too”, Jane takes his hand to her lips leaving a kiss on his knuckles before she looks at him.

Bucky cups her face with his free hand, caressing her cheek with his thumb.

"Last night, just holding you..." He says quietly,, "It was the best night in my entire life"

Jane closes the distance between then and pulls him for a kiss. He pulls her towards him and she straddles him, deepening the kiss as his tongue opens her mouth. When they break apart for air, Jane presses their foreheads together as Bucky grips her waits, neither wanting to move away just yet despite knowing they had to.

But the mattress underneath them, the worn out clothes, the lamp in the corner of the room, the four walls surrounding them were just temporarily things, but the feeling he got with her in his arms was permanent. 

He really wishes he could stay. But he need to do this. If it caught up to him and something happened to Jane because of it, he would never forgive myself for that. Of all the things he didn't think could forgive himself for, it would be losing her now that would break him completely.

"I will wait" Jane says, she then chuckles, "not here, of course, but I will wait for you" 

Bucky smiles softly, and Jane rests her head on his shoulder. He didn't doubt it. 

"We will find eachother" 

They always did.


	4. 2016

Bucky wakes up at 6 a. m. every morning like clock work, but that morning it’s nine when he does. The clock in his night stand in blinking and showing 12:00, and he realises the power went out the night before and he slept through it.

He curses, standing from the bed in one swift movement wanting to take a quick shower so he could start his day. He walks towards the small kitchen and reaches for a glass, filling it with tap water. There’s an empty box next to the plates, he had left it there the day before after he had breakfast.

“No cereal” He remembers.

The pantry is almost empty too, and because the power went out the night before the milk and meat inside the fridge had probably gone bad. Bucky hated grocery shopping, going out at all was something he avoided at all cost but a man has to eat. He leaves the glass on the sink and walks towards the bathroom.

The past few months he had remained in Romania, he needed to rest for a few weeks before continuing his search. The decoded Hydra archives he had lead nowhere so far, and he doubt Steve and his friends had found what he was looking for. The apartment he is renting is small but Bucky had found himself more comfortable in it than he had been in the ones before – every place he stayed at felt either too big or too small, he felt either trapped either way – something was always missing, even now, but he knew that was about Jane. 

After he left her in New York, he had manage to go two months ignoring the need to know about her before he sent a letter to the address they last met. Bucky was surprised to receive an answer, but even more surprise when he opened the small box sent to him and found a second edition of ‘Matilda’ by an author called Roald Dahl. A few days later he received a letter too. He didn’t understand any of it at first, and then he realised Jane had found a way for them to communicate. _A book cipher_. Jane told him she continued to pay for the apartment just until she heard of him, and then she came up with a code for him to write to her back without worrying too much. 

He sent the first letter back, ‘ _Smart. I’m fine, but I will move soon._ ’ Fine, he didn't know if he was safe yet so he didn't tell her that. Bucky signed with his name at the bottom, and  after considering it he wrote that he will write to her soon.

They continued to write to each other that way. Bucky would sent Jane a letter with an address at the bottom and his name, she would write only one back and then she would have to wait for him to move, find a place and write again. It was enough for him, and he hoped it was enough for her.

Months later she sent him another book, ‘Alice's Adventures in Wonderland’, and they started all over again.

The letters were frequent after that, they were short and precise since he didn’t know what he could say other than he was fine and that he still had work to do, but then Jane’s letters became longer like she knew he couldn't get much out.

Jane writes to him about her life, as boring as she thought it was, sends books and movies, ‘mixtapes’ so he could listen to music and 'audiobooks'. He has to destroy everything everytime he moves, but he keeps a journal with the things he would say about them so he can tell her once they reunite. And so he doesn’t forget them.

He had seen her face in the television and newspapers, and he felt a relief every single time. Then he felt guilt because she wasn’t able to see him at all.

It had been three months since he burned down the last Hydra base he knew about. Almost two years since he started _cleaning_ them up, hunting down every member he remembered and exposing every single one he could. Forty eight ‘warehouses’ had still been half-functioning even after Hydra fell, the others had been abandoned, and he was sure there were plenty others he didn't know about that were still working. He could rest knowing that The Avengers were taking care of it, at least Steve, Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanoff were still doing so.

They had crossed paths a few times – unbeknownst to them – and he had been so close to reveal himself to Steve and ask him if he could be of help, but the time time had never been right. Besides, Captain America the help and resources he needed. Then Sokovia happened and the world started being more scared of vigilantes of any kind. He had to completely stop trying to keep tabs on Steve and working on an even smaller scale, then he stopped hunting Hydra completely and searching for the book with the black star. It was the only thing he remembered about it.

The streets aren’t crowded, he adjusts his jacket around him and walks with his head low, eyes hiding under a cap. When he is finally about to reach for the market her sees a newspaper stand being open, and a paper boy asks if he wants one.

“No, thanks, I-“ He stops when he sees the front page.

**Several dead after explosion in Lagos.**

 

* * *

 

Jane wakes up with a knock on her door. Her neck is completely sore when she lifts her head, there is a stabbing pain in the back of her head and her back is killing her, she had fallen asleep on the desk and she regrets it immensely as she stands and drags herself towards the door. 

Another knock.

“Room service”

“I’m com…” her voice is hoarse and she clears her throat, “I’m coming” 

Jane opens the door slightly to find a woman smiling politely at her, running her hand through her hair as she momentarily forgets which country she is in. Right, the conference in _Berlin_ that Helen Cho invited her to. She gets out a few phrases in german, apologising for taking too long and then saying she didn’t need cleaning right now. She needs to rest more, still jet lagged from her flight the day before. Night before, she doesn't even know anymore.

When the woman nods and leaves, she closes the door and walks towards the bed, feet dragging on the rug before she throws herself on the soft mattress. Jane hums happily and when her phone starts ringing she lets out a frustrated groan. 

"Goddammit" 

Her bags are in the middle of the room and she almost trips with one of them with reaching for her purse. She takes out the phone and taps the screen. Darcy's face appears on the screen and Jane frowns.

" _Jane! Jane!_ "

"Darcy, hey" 

The woman shows her hand, and lets out a high pitched noise. Jane winces, and then she sees the shinny ring on Darcy's left hand. 

" _Ian proposed! We are getting married!_ "

Ian comes behind Darcy, " _Hi, Doctor Foster_ " 

Jane feels stunned for a few seconds before then she blinks and a laugh escaped her lips, "Darcy that's..." She smiles widely, "I don't know what to say, congratulations!" 

Darcy starts jumping up and down, like forgetting she’s on the phone, " _I wish you were here! It was so romantic!_ " Jane hums, walking towards the door where the cleaning lady had left her the newspapers 'courtesy of the hotel', Darcy continues talking on the other line, " _we were at the aquarium, you know the one I took him the first time he came to DC, and we were watching the penguins and he started saying how they sing to eachother and..._ "

Jane frowns when she reads the front page of the newspaper she picks up. A picture of Wanda Maximoff taken from afar, and a wrecked building next to it. Thor had told Jane about her, she had some kind of superpowers given by Loki's staff, some stone that was inside. Jane remembers thinking how she wished she had gotten powers when she touched that other magic stone, instead she got sick and almost died. 

" _Anyways, I'm going to call Erik now!_ " Darcy says breathless, " _Oh god, I forgot you were in London, how was the flight?_ "

"Berlin, actually, and the flight was terrible" Jane admits, "Long as hell and I couldn't sleep because there was turbulence" 

Darcy leans in on the screen, " _You look like crap_ " 

Jane narrows her eyes, "I know"

The woman laughs, " _Get some rest and then text me, we'll talk later, yeah?_ " 

"Darcy" Jane says before she closes the call, "I'm really happy for you"

Darcy smiles brightly, " _I love you_ "

"I love you too" 

" _And I miss you! Call me tomorrow, please!_ "

Jane nods, "will do"

When Darcy's face disappears she throws the phone aside and lays on the bed again. She reaches for the remote on the nightstand and turns the tv on, searching for a news channel to see if there's anything on about Captain America. Naturally, every news channel is covering the incident at Lagos. The media loved to ignite the debate about superheroes and vigilantes vs the real authorities, most of the things Jane heard weren't so good, most people were afraid of them and the fact that the government had no control over them. After what happened in Sokovia things had gotten even worse. 

It worried her mostly because of Bucky.

Unlike the Avengers he was alone. Jane knew Hydra was still around, if they weren't Bucky would have just come back to her and stay, so every time something bad happened she thought it was because of them. She didn't want Bucky to be some kind of hero, and if it had been for her they would have stayed together even if she would have to be on the run for the rest of her life, but she knew what Bucky was doing was for himself. 

Since they parted ways, Jane had payed more attention to what happened in the world – television, newspapers, online – wishing that afterwards Bucky would appear on her door telling her it was over. Until that happened she had his letters. Though they weren't enough, she never told him that. 

" _...General Ross, had stated that this time the goverment of the United States will be taking action, joining the UN alongside..._ "

Jane fights to keep her eyes open but is unable to. One of the last things she registers is the sound of an explosion coming from the television, and the name Steve Rogers being mentioned as the woman on the news asks if he is a superhero or a vigilante. Jane wonders what's the difference before she drifts off.

The next time she wakes up is nine hours later. Her body is no longer sore but she realises she slept on her clothes, which are now wrinkled and uncomfortable to be in. Jane checks her phone and sees two messages from Helen Cho reminding her where and when the conference would be, and a picture from Darcy – Ian passed out after Erik gave him the 'shovel talk' via Skype (several laughing emojis) – She walks towards the bathroom and turns on the faucet, starting to undress as the bathtub fills. The conference was at seven, so she had a few hours to go out and get some air and something to eat, Darcy had told her to buy her some chocolates from a place they had visited when they were there for work and Erik wanted a new leather suitcase.

When the tub is full she gets inside even though it was almost too warm, trying to relax the muscles that were still tense. 

"Text Helen back" Jane reminds herself, "buy Darcy a wedding present... Engagement present" she plays with the bubbles on the surface of the water, "both"

She is not tired, but her eyes feel heavy anyways, like her body had yet to realise how much sleep she had gotten. Jane hadn't work in a few months, Erik had taken over her team at the New Avengers facility and was overseeing her research, it felt great to take a break from all of it and even better to see Erik back to work, but the work-aholic in her missed the late hours and short breaks. At least while working she could think of something other that Bucky. Bucky, Bucky, Bucky... Soulmate withdrawals took over her body sometimes, hands shaking and cold sweat that didn't let her sleep until she imagined him next to her.

When she feels her eyes blur with tears, she sinks completely underwater. Like the water could wash away every memory of him.

 

 

It's useless of course. And she finds herself thinking about the letters. She sits on the tub, taking a deep gasp of air, before she remembers something.

" _Fuck_ "

Jane stands from the tub and runs towards the bed, not caring about the wet floor. She grabs her phone and dials the first number in her contacts. The apartment in New York was still being paid by her, but only because she needed to use the mail box, and when Darcy found out Jane had to tell her about James coming back, Darcy hadn't like it one bit but she never brought it up again. She did tell her it was suspicious to leave the apartment empty and asked Jane if she could let her 'gam gam' move in – an old woman who had rented Darcy a room when she first moved to the city for college and was being evicted – Jane agreed. Everytime Jane went to look for her mail, she visited the old lady, who now believed Jane was her niece even though she had left very clear she wasn't. 

Jane sends Darcy a text asking her if she had been sent any letters, and a few minutes later Darcy tells her Gam gam checked and it was empty. Jane throws the phone aside and sighs to the empty room. It had been six week since the last letter and maybe Bucky was still trying to find a place to settle in. She looks at the newspaper and sees the news about Lagos.

"Bucky, please let me know you weren't there" She says to the empty room.

When she returns to the bathroom the water is had gone cold and the bubbles had disappeared.

"Shower it is" 

 

* * *

 

Bucky feels on edge. He had been following the news for the past two days after hearing about Lagos, and now they were saying they would be a summit where they would announce some kind of treaty, several countries were in it. Captain America wouldn't attend, but he knew the Avengers had something to do with it so Steve had to know what it was about. 

He's flipping through the news when he sees an article about a woman named Helen Cho. Bucky remembers the name from a few months ago, she had almost died during an attack in Seoul that had something to do with Tony Stark, The Avengers and Sokovia. Also about the disappearance of Bruce Banner and a project he was working on. The whole thing had been kept under wraps and he knew he was not going to be able to find out too much so he had forgotten about it. What captures his attention is a picture of the conference attendees, and a familiar face he recognises immediately.

"Okay" he takes a deep breath, "okay"

Bucharest was a day and a half in train away from Berlin.

 

* * *

 

The bags are not too heavy but she feels like she's carrying way too many, her feet are starting to hurt as she walks at a fast pace while looking for the store where they sold Darcy's favorite chocolate. She hadn't been able to get them the day before or the day before that – after the conference Helen invited her to dinner and the next day they met for brunch – and by now Jane was sure she had gotten lost, the last time she had been in Berlin had been over three years ago after all.

She manages to reach for her phone and dials Darcy's number, tired of following google maps to the wrong stores. 

" _Doctor Foster, hey_ " 

Jane chuckles rolling her eyes, "it's just Jane, Ian" she says, "is Darcy around?"

" _Let me get her-_ "

" _Is that Jane!?_ " 

She hears rustling on the phone and then Darcy's heavy breathing. The woman tells Ian to 'check on the chicken' and then waits a few seconds.

" _Did you see the news? About Lagos?_ "

Jane frowns. It wasn't what she wanted to talk about at the moment but she answers, "Yeah, why?" 

" _Did this had something to do with-_ " 

"No" Jane knows where she is going, "He doesn't-" 

" _They are saying Hydra had something to with it_ "

"He is not Hydra, Darcy" 

Jane lowers her voice and looks around to see if anyone is paying attention. 

Darcy huffs, " _But everytime something happens that has to do with Hydra, it means he was somewhere near the-_ "

"Where are you trying to get at?" Jane cuts her off, "Why would you even make that-" 

" _I saw your Winter Soldier_ shrine _, Jane_ "

The mention of that name makes her tense, and she looks around again, before letting out a heavy breath she didn't know she was holding. Darcy didn't know about that, as far as Jane knew the information leaked by Natasha Romanoff was still being decoded and _Darcy didn't know about that_. Unless… 

"wait a min- Are you in _my_ apartment?" Darcy makes an agreement noise, "How did you even get- why are you in my apartment?"

" _Ian and I are in D.C. looking for a wedding venue_ " Darcy answers nonchalantly, " _We were thinking maybe that mansion on O street, or infront of the Potomac, where they are still trying to clean up the mess that your friend-_ "

"Darcy" Jane says warningly, she finds a park bench and sits, letting the bags on the floor. 

The 'shrine' Darcy mentioned was just a wall where she kept a timeline of events connected to Bucky, and some information Jane herself had tried to decode. Jane hadn't bothered in adding to it since Bucky's letters started to arrive more frequently, and she had forgotten about completely after a few months so it was still up his wall. Now Darcy would use it as an excuse to scold her for being so hung up on James Barnes.

" _Jane the things I've heard about him..._ " Darcy says, her tone is softer and more cautious, " _This is too-_ " 

"Dangerous?" Jane says, "believe I know, he told me himself"

Darcy takes a shaky breath in. 

"He asked me to stay away, he tells me to forget him in every single letter he sends" Jane continues, "but I won't give up on him when the rest of the world did"

Except for Steve Rogers. Who Jane sometimes thought about telling everything, maybe the two of them could save Bucky.

" _He's not a victim, Jane_ " Darcy says quietly, " _People say that…_ " 

Darcy trails off. Jane's bottom lip trembles and she bites into it, feeling her throat tight and the anger bloom at the pit of his stomach. If her best friend didn't understand it, what would it take for the rest of the world to do so. 

"I will tell you everything when I return home" Jane says, it comes out weakly, "I just called to ask you... About the chocolates" she finishes. 

Darcy remains quiet for a few seconds.

" _Remember that park we got lost in?_ "

Jane hums. She stands from the bench and continues to walk, following Darcy's instructions. Her heart feels heavy inside her chest, and she is unable to say or do anything other than humming in agreement as the world feels like it’s shrinking around her, like she is about to have an anxiety attack or something similar. 

She feels her eyes go blurry and walks hurriedly to an alley when people start looking at her. Jane leans against the wall and the bags fall on the pavement, her phone pressed against her chest as Darcy continues to talk. She lifts her gaze and hears footsteps approaching her, despite the streets being crowded she only heard the ones coming for her. 

 _A panic attack_ , Jane, _you are having a panic attack_. 

Breath in. Breathe out.

" _Jane? Jane, are you still there?_ "

She lifts the phone to her ear, "Yeah? 

" _Did you find it?_ " 

Jane hums.

And then a hand covers her mouth and she turns to bump into a heavy body behind her. Her eyes go wide and the man takes the phone from her hands, closing the call. Jane takes the hand off his mouth and takes a few gasps of breath in.

"Hello, stranger"

Bucky's voice is rough, like he had't use in a long time, but it is soothing. Jane just stands there, unable to move.

"I was in Bucharest" He continues when she doesn't say anything, "I took a train"

It had been worse than being on a plane for him, but he had fallen asleep most of the ride. Bucky keeps that to himself, before he gives a step back away from her feeling like he's overwhelming her. 

"You... You- you-" Jane stammers, “How-“ 

Bucky pulls her in for a kiss, a quick peck on the lips because he can't help himself, and Jane grips his jacket at the shoulders and breaks the kiss. 

"Come with me" She whispers against his lips.

She starts picking up the bags on the floor and then grabs his hand, pulling him out of the alley. Bucky doesn't say anything, he doesn't even ask where they are going. They walk at a fast pace for a few blocks, and when they finally reach her hotel she is panting heavily, when she turns to him he’s not even breaking a sweat. 

"Guten tag" the old man in the reception says with a smile.

Jane exchanges a few pleasantries and then reaches the elevator. When the doors close she tries to catch her breath, Bucky takes most of the bags from her hands and Jane looks at him with disbelief. He chuckles softly and Jane follows, trying to catch her breath still as she rests her head on the glass behind her, shutting her eyes until the elevator doors open.

Jane passes first and he follows right behind. The room is spacious, and he notices there are several bags of luggage in the corner of the room that seem untouched.

"Leave them... Anywhere" Jane points a the bags he's carrying. 

Bucky can smell the leather as he sets them on the floor before he looks around, shrugging his jacket off at the same time Jane locks the door. They stare at eachother for a few seconds before Jane walks towards him, both her hands coming up to cup his face.

“I can’t believe you are here”

Bucky’s lips quirk upwards, “Me neither”

He places his hands on her waist, and leans into the touch of her palms before pressing their foreheads together.

“You smell good” Jane says under her breath, flattening the shirt he's wearing with her palms, “How old are you?”

“What?” Bucky chuckles. 

She closes her eyes, a small frown appears on between her eyebrows, “Sorry, I was just…” Jane blushes slightly, feeling dumb for asking that, “I have this list of questions I was going to ask once you came back, and… That was one”

Bucky lets out a small laugh, and Jane dimples. And then she bites her bottom lip and her nose turns pink, her eyes go glassy she takes a shuddering breath in and out.

“I’m 34” Bucky says, kissing her forehead, “35, maybe? Biologically, of course” He kisses the tip of her nose, “Otherwise,” His lips brush against her, “I’m about ninety nine” 

Jane does smile this time, followed by a breathless chuckles, “I think I stopped at 32 about two years ago” Bucky pulls back slightly and frowns, “I’ll explain later”

“I thought I would be the one with some explaining to do” he says, looking at her apologetically, “I wanted to come back before, but…” 

Jane hushes him, pressing the tip of her fingers over his lips softly. Bucky didn’t want to talk about it either, not now at least, there was too much to tell and most of it wasn’t easy to talk about. Not as easy as it is to pull her closer to him and circle her waist, feeling her warm skin undernearth her clothes with his fingertips.

The room is quiet, and suddenly the air seems to grow thicker, becoming heavy with something that felt like… Anticipation. Jane could see the wrinkles on each corner of his blue eyes, could count the dark eyelashes if she tried, his lips part slightly like he means to say something but can’t or forgets about it. So Jane doesn’t hold back when she feels the urge to kiss him.

And this kiss was different.

It wasn’t a shy, or a brush of her lips with his. It was hungry, fervent, and he kissed back with the same intensity. Bucky kissed like he was trying to consume her, teeth nipping and lips devouring, it takes the air out of her lungs and makes her knees feel weak. 

Kiss her. Touch her. 

Her breasts were pressed deliciously against his chest, and the hard feel of her against him after so many years _yearning_ for this had his head going fuzzy. Jane pulls back, her lips making a wet sound as they leave his, and he stares as she stars unbuttoning her shirt, looking at him under her eyelashes with brown eyes and blown dark pupils. It sends a a sharp shoot of pure arousal up his spine, the first time in decades he had felt it despite taking care of himself a few times before. Bucky reaches for his left hand and pulls from the leather glove with his teeth, letting it fall to the floor before his fingers replace hers to undo the last two buttons. He slides her shirt off her shoulders, sending shivers down her spine when the cold metal hand makes contact with her skin. 

_Kiss more. Touch more._

Bucky’s hand trails up and down her side, brushing the outsides of her breasts before returning to settle on her hips, then making the trail again. Jane bites back a moan when he thumbs her right nipple through her bra, but the touch doesn’t last too long and then he gives a step back.

“Too much?” She asks, concern laced with his words as she covers herself like the sight of her breasts will give him a heart attack.

“Not enough” He replies, voice husky as he reaches for the hem of his shirt. 

Jane’s eyes remain glued to the broad of his chest as he lifts his shirt and throws it across the room. She crosses her hands over her abdomen, where a pang of arousal blooms and she feels herself get almost embarrassingly wet at the sight of the ripped torso and muscular arms. Jane reaches for the button of her jeans, but he hooks his fingers on the belt hoop and tugs, pulling her towards him. His hands are on her hips, thumb caressing the spot right above where her jeans are covering, and Jane’s skin twitches where he touches. Bucky looks hesitant, and for a moment Jane thinks he will ask if he should stop.

“Don’t ask me if you should stop, you have no idea how much I want this” Jane hurries to say, it comes out in an overflow of words and Bucky tilts his head slightly, “Sorry” she blushes crimson red. 

“I want this too” Bucky towers over her, he cups her face, “I want you”

Jane glances up at him, and he cups her face.

“Even before I knew you existed, I wanted you” 

His flesh hand begins to drift down, moving to ghost down her neck, his fingers leaving little trails of warmth in their wake until he finally cups her breasts with both large hands. She moans against his lips at the feel of his palms pressed against her nipples, the sensation of his metal hand and flesh hand through thin fabric of her brassiere. 

He pulls back slightly, “I think we should try this on the bed”

Jane smiles against his lips and kisses him again, moving her hips left and right slightly so she can get rid of her jeans. The slide of his tongue against her own, wet and hot, is intoxicating. Bucky’s hand travel to her back, caressing softly her spine and then moving down and down, until she feels the grasping of his fingers above the swell of her ass. Jane walks them towards the bed, and when the back of his legs his the edge of it he ends up sitting on the edge of the bed. Bucky lets out a guttural sound and she pulls back, reaching for his jeans. 

Bucky feels anxious of all sudden, as Jane unbutton his jeans and lowers the zipper. The erection between his legs is more than obvious, and his cock twitches when her fingers brush against it. He had masturbated plenty of times before, but he had never been as hard as he is right now, or as riled up.

“Jane” He circles her wrist, “Give me… Just a second”

Jane tilts her head slightly but does a he asks. He can tell she’s as excited as he is, cheeks blush and breathing elaborated, when he reaches for her again Jane bites her bottom lip. He leans in to leave a kiss on her hipbone as Jane runs her fingers through his hair, before he leans back again just so he can take a good look at her. The daylight illuminates the room perfectly, and he takes in the image of Jane half nude and waiting for him.

Bucky lifts his hips slightly off the matters to pull down the jeans and underwear, and then kicks them off the way. His eyes glued to Jane’s face as she takes him in too. It was the most vulnerable he had been – and felt – infront of anyone, and a relief washes over him because it’s Jane, his soulmate, and that’s how it is suppose to be. 

Jane offers him a shy look, and Bucky leans back on the bed as she reaches behind her. He doesn’t know what to do next, this time – the first of many, he hopes – he will let Jane lead the way. His eyes trail up and down her body. When Jane takes off her brassiere she shivers, and she isn’t sure if it’s at the cold air against her nipples or at his gaze, but he doesn’t take his eyes off her as she slides her panties down her tights. 

Jane stands infront of him fully nude, a warm look in her eyes. And she tries to think of the ones who had seen her like that before but it’s like they never existed. Bucky’s eyes on her erase everything past, and makes the future not matter, it’s just them right there and then.

“You’re so beautiful, Jane” Bucky says after a few seconds of silence.

She walks towards him and doesn’t say anything, holding onto his right shoulder for balance as she straddles him. Her eyes are glued on him as she tilts her head and attaches her lips to the long column of Bucky’s throat, letting her hands explore the muscular chest and arms. His breath shudders as she leaves a trail of kisses down his sternum. 

“Jane...” 

Jane pulls away from his skin slightly, and paused with uncertainty, before lowering her lips and pressing a kiss on his left shoulder. He moves slightly under her. 

“Does it hurt?” She looks at him.

Bucky shakes his head, “Nothing hurts when I’m with you”

He circles her waist and secures her against his chest with strong arms, before he stands only to lay her on the mattress again, and he is aware of every part of his body touching hers. Buzzing and aware, like an exposed wire. And something inside of him, the need to own her and mark her as his takes control of him. Jane only has a moment to take in the feeling of them intertwining before his lips are on hers. Desperate and needy.

A low moan slips from deep in her throat, and Bucky grounds against her, arms caging her body and pressing her against the mattres, until she was surrounded utterly. She knows they can’t stop now, not that neither wants to, and she wants everything. A silly thought crosses her mind, _thank god for IUDs_ , well not so silly and she huffs out a small breathless chuckle.

“Are you okay?” Bucky asks.

One of her hand moves up and down his sides, while the other grips his left wrist, and she kisses him as an answer. The cold hard metal is the only thing balancing Bucky right now, while his right hand reaches between them for his cock. Jane spreads her tights further apart, brown eyes looking into his blue ones as she runs her hands up and down his back, bringing one leg up and hitching it around his waist. 

“Bucky”

Bucky’s hand moves down and grips her thight with grasping fingers, Jane wonders how he hadn’t come yet because she’s on the edge, had been for a while now. When he slides the tip of his cock into her, Jane feels like someone had punched the air out of her lungs, and Bucky lets put a growl-like sound before he presses his forehead against her breastbone as both catch they breath for a few seconds.

“It’s okay” Jane whispers, “It’s okay” 

Bucky licks his lips and enters her slowly until he’s all the way to the hilt, stretching and filling her completely. It takes him a few seconds to let her adjust to his size, before he starts moving in and out of her body trying ot find a rythym that pleases both. Jane pants and whrits under him, and when he sees her hand gripping the sheets he reaches for it, intertwining his left fingers with hers, while his other arm circles her waist and lifts her off the mattress slightly, pulling her closer to him. 

“Bucky, oh, oh, god,” 

The spikes of pleasure building in her belly were overwhelming, she feels barely in control of her own body and when she opens her eyes she finds Bucky looking at her with intensity. His heart squeezes painfully as she smiles at him with loving eyes, and he leans in to kiss the corner of her mouth, not wanting the smile to go away with a kiss on the lips.

“I love you” Bucky whispers, hot breath against her lips, “Jane, I love you”

And when he pulls back his eyes, wide and blue, were heavy filled with meaning. 

“I love you too, Bucky” Jane looks feverish, cheeks and neck tinted red. 

His thrusts become longer and deeper, and Jane throws her arms around his shoulders as they pant into eachothers mouths. Two sets of lungs dragging in thick, heated air. 

“You’re mine” He whispers, “Mine, only mine…” 

“Yours, Bucky, forever yours”

When Jane comes undone underneath him with a loud moan, back arching and nails digging on his back, he follows close behind, pumping into her once, twice more before groaning her name, coming burried deep inside of her.

 

* * *

 

“Where do you want to go?”

Jane is half asleep when Bucky’s voice is heard in the quiet room. She turns to face him, sheet covering her almost completely. Bucky is sitting on the bed, back resting against the bed frame, as he stares at the wall infront of them. When he looks at her, Jane is frowning slightly.

“What do you mean?”

Bucky moves to lay next to her, “I think I’m done, Jane” he whispers, “It’s been months without finding anything, no Hydra bases, no leads to…”

Jane lays on her stomach, “You never told me what it was” she says quietly.

After Natasha Romanoff exposed Hydra, Jane tried to decode some of the archives leaked to the public, and even though it hadn’t been much what she managed, she had no idea what Bucky could want from them. All the information about James Buchanan Barnes only proved that he had been a subject of experimentation, the world’s longest prisoner of war, forced to work for Hydra, kill for Hydra.

He licks his lips, “You know the things I did” he states, “You are a smart girl, I know you do” he offers a small side-smile.

 

 

Jane’s lips quirk upwards, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. His girl was smart, he thought, she knew as much as everyone else maybe more. The only difference was that she didn’t see him as a monster like he knew many people would, he knew Steve would have his back too, until the end of the line. It was the reason why he hadn’t contacted him, he knew Steve would throw away everything for him, he just needed one good reason and Bucky was the only one who could give it to him just by revealing himself.

He shakes the thought away.

“The world would never forgive me” He whispers, and worry crosses Jane’s features, “But I don’t care anymore” he adds, “All I care is what I have right now”

You and me.

“Are you asking me to run away with you, James Barnes?”

Bucky swallows tightly, “Maybe I am” he answers, eyes casted down to not meet her gaze" 

Jane stares, and after a few seconds she reaches for his jaw and makes him look at her, kissing him deeply.

“I’ll go wherever you need me to,” Jane whispers against his lips, “I will”

Bucky nods, covering her hand with his. Jane feels she should ask what he had been looking for the past two years if it wasn’t forgiveness, but Bucky seems to be unsure himself. Jane hugs his chest so he doesn’t see her face, she’s worried, and he hugs her tightly before kissing the top of her head. They stay like that, enjoying the quiet of the room. Jane caresses his side and he plays with her hair. 

Outside the sun was hiding, and the city was starting to go quiet, as quiet as the room felt at the moment. Jane would go wherever he needed her to, she would leave her life behind because he was everything. Even when half the world hated him, when the other half had abandoned him she would… Because every atom of his flesh is as dear to her as her own, it was the way it was meant to be.

“Why did you chose Jane?” He asks minutes later 

Jane looks at him.

“Matilda, you were born with, of course” He starts, “Alice… Created a fantasy for herself, like you did after you ran from your old life”

Jane smiles softly, because Bucky had understood exactly what she had thought when choosing ‘Alice’. 

Bucky runs his fingers through her hair, “Why the name Jane?”

“Jane Eyre” Jane looks at the ceiling, “She’s this orphaned girl who lives with her aunt and cousins who hate her, a lot of bad things happen to her”

Bucky makes a face, “That sounds…” 

“She becomes a teacher, and ends up traveling” She rests her chin on his chest and looks at him, “She meets a man who’s… Craggy, rough looking, not the classic prince charming” Jane reaches to swipe a stand of Bucky’s hair off his face, “He likes her for being unusual… Strong and spirited” 

Bucky’s lips quirk upwards as he takes her hand and kisses her knuckles. 

“And he realises he can count on her” Jane lays her head on his chest again and closes her eyes, “They fall in love”

How does it end, he doesn’t ask. Her fingers trace invisible patterns on his skin, and he waits for her to finish the story, he isn’t sure if she is making it up or she actually read it somewhere. Jane remains quiet, and he realises a few minutes later that she had fallen asleep. 

“I have for the first time found what I can truly love. I have found you” She whispers, “I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely… A fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart and it leans to you, draws you to my centre, wrap my existence about you” Jane’s eyelids feel heavy, “and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one”

Jane starts drifting off into a sleep despite not wanting to leave yet, but this time unlike many times before she doesn’t feel like struggling to stay awake. Bucky will be there when she wakes up. He kisses her hair and whisper something… She quite doesn’t get, but it sounds like a thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wants that perfect love story any way, anyway  
> Cliché, cliché, cliché, cliché  
> Who wants that hero love that saves the day, anyway  
> Cliché, cliché, cliché, cliché  
> What about the bad guy goes good, yeah  
> An innocent love un-misunderstood, yeah...


	5. 2016

Bucky waits until the medic behind Steve leaves the room. He can see the screen showing his vitals but he doesn't understand most of it, none of it, as far as he knows there isn't much to worry about with the exception of his missing limb. And the program still encoded in his brain that Hydra had found s way to use against him even after he thought everything was over. 

He's still dangerous. A prisoner of his own mind.

"Are you sure about this?"

Bucky looks at the man. Steve Rogers, who was now on the run because of him. His friends, who Bucky had fought next to, had been locked in an underwater fortress. Steve had rescued them, of course, but that meant that they too would have to hide as if they were criminals, when all they did and wanted was to protect the world when it needed them.

"I can't trust my own mind" He offers a small smile, and Steve looks at him with concern.

 

 

The room is huge but for the both of them it feels small all of sudden. Steve had just gotten Bucky back, he had done everything in his power to protect him and at the end it hadn't being enough. When will it be enough. For now, he could rest in Wakanda, the secret nation hidden in plain sight, much like Bucky had manage to do for over two years.

Two medics enters the room again and they take a look at the screen, where Bucky was being monitored, they exchange a few words and then turn to them to offer a polite nod, Steve returns it, before leaving the room again. 

Steve feels the need to ask Bucky not to go under cryo-sleep again. King T'Challa had told him Wakanda had the most advanced technology in the world, they could heal Bucky and they would, Steve knew they could without him having to be frozen yet again. Bucky could stay in the hospital, he could have a room it didn't need to be big, he could... But Bucky had insisted that it was for the best. The white clothes they put him in were nitid, they looked brand new, and Steve wonders when was the last time Bucky had something that was just for him.

"Are your friends going to be alright?" Bucky asks, "Romanoff, Wilson... The one with the..." He makes a vague hand gesture. 

"Sam and Nat want to finish what you started" Steve nods, "Wanda will be safe with me too" he then says, "Lang and Clint will deal a little bit differently, they have families they want to return to" 

Bucky feels a heaviness in his chest. He hadn't had time to ask anything about them, he barely remembered the names and the events of the past few days are fuzzy. The last thing he remembered was getting fucking plums, then he called Jane and... And then Steve is at his house. The airport, the Black Panther, the others stay behind while he and Steve escape.

Why would someone risk their freedom, their lives and families, for... Neither had done it for him, it was because of Steve. And it wasn't like the Sokovia Accords had gotten an okay from either before Bucky was even in the picture. 

Steve looks outside the giant widows a few feet from them, which give a view of all the green surrounding Wakanda. Bucky could stay awake and just...

"Steve" 

Steve shuts his eyes before he turns to face the man, "Buck" 

"I need you to do something for me" 

He's looking at him with doubt, like he is afraid Steve would say no more. His friend. His Bucky. And Steve sees only the shell of what he used to know, thought he wanted to believe that the old Bucky was hidden inside somewhere he knew deep inside that the old Bucky, the boy he used to have sleepovers with him, the teen that used to ride behind freezer trucks because of him, the charming soldier he became, the man he rescued once over seventy years ago... The one he saw fall from the train... that Bucky had started to die that day. He did for seventy years, and while Steve woke up in a world that wanted him, what was left of Bucky woke to one that wanted to punish him for it.

"Anything, Bucky" 

Bucky's lips quirk, maybe a grimace or a smile he isn't sure. 

"Your friend, the blond one" 

Steve scratches the back of his head, "Sharon"

Bucky nods, "She gave you my backpack" 

The other man looks slightly confused, like he had forgotten about it or like he didn't know it was of importance. 

"Inside there are several journals, notebooks..." 

Steve had hidden the backpack in a safe place, though he didn't think Bucky would need it just yet. 

"When I... When you saved me that day, I hid for months" Bucky starts, "I started writing things I remembered, so I could separate them from illusions or dreams, nightmares" he trails off. 

"I can bring them to you" Steve nods. 

Bucky shakes his head, "I want you to read them" Steve looks at him with wide eyes, "They are marked so you will be able to tell what's real from what's not," he lets out a small chuckle, "Took me a while to be able to... Organise them, but I managed to"

I got better. He wants to add, but Steve would probably not believe that.

"I understand" Steve crosses his arms across his chest, "If you want me to," he nods, "I will read them" 

Bucky wants to chuckle at the stern look on Steve's face, like Bucky had given him an official order he had to follow. Though he knows Steve wants to, and he will just because it's Bucky. He wonders if Steve thinks that he is still the same kid from before, because Bucky knows he isn't. He is not the Winter Soldier either, he's someone else. Someone new that only Jane had met so far, but that he wants Steve to meet and approve of too.

"One of them is... For someone important" Bucky continues, "It has her name so you will recognise-" 

"Who?" 

Bucky looks at him. He knows he can trust in Steve, that he will not reveal Jane being Bucky's to anyone else, and that he won't put him in danger. 

"Will you come back?" Bucky asks. 

"I will return as soon as I can" Steve promises.

But if Jane knew where he was she would try to find him. As virtually inexistent as Wakanda is, Jane would try.

"Don't tell Jane Foster where I am" 

Steve straightens, "Jane Foster?"

Jane Foster was Thor's scientist friend. Steve hadn't met her but he had heard about her a lot. What does she have to do with Bucky? 

Bucky swallows and nods, "Read them first" he says, a pleading look in his eyes, "Let her know I'm safe, and... When she's safe" from me, "I will find her again" 

Again. Steve thinks, and he is even more confused. But Bucky is looking at him with wide eyes, practically begging him not to ask him any questions, like it's physically painful to even mention Jane Foster.

"I will" Steve says finally, "I promise"

 

* * *

 

_"Jane"_

_Jane smiles when she hears his voice. She had been packing her bags, taking what she thought was important and leaving things she wouldn't need behind, she had called Erik to ask him to take over her work – All of it, until further notice because she was afraid to burn that bridge even though she didn't admit it to herself yet – and she had been trying to call Darcy but she hadn't picked up the phone. Maybe the argument they had over a week ago was still fresh in her head, and to be honest Jane calling her to say she wasn't going to go home and instead was going to meet with James Barnes in Bucharest was going to make things worse._

_I'll go first, to make sure no one is following, Bucky told her, meet me at the train station and we will go from there. Then he seal it with a kiss._

_Bucky's breathing is heavy, "It was them, I was- It wasn't me you know that I-"_

_"Bucky, Bucky, slow down" Jane feels her heart leap to her throat, as she walks around the room._

_"Listen to me," And then, "Don't come"_

_Jane feels like time stops, she can't hear anything but her own heavy breathing and her heartbeat on her ears, and the bile rises to her throat when she tries to speak. She grips tightly the burner phone she had gotten the morning Bucky left._

_"It's only been two days" Jane's voice is strained, "No one knows..."_

_"Jane" Bucky's voice is shaky, "I love you"_

_Jane refuses to take it as a goodbye, "Let me go to you, let me just be with you, please, Bucky, please don't-"_

_"Forgive me"_

_And the line goes dead._

_"No, Bucky I-"_

_Jane shuts her eyes tighly, covering her mouth to try to drown the sob that escapes her, before she throws the phone across the room and hears as it shatters in pieces. The hotel room they had both made their space the fast week becomes too quiet. Where they talk for hours about what had happened to them while they were apart, they ate on the bed and slept on the floor, made love on the couch and then fell asleep, ate on the couch and watch tv on the floor._

_Jane reaches for the remote, and she turns the television on. Her hands are shaking, and when her phone starts ringing she ignores it. It was Darcy, maybe Erik._

_It's in every channel._

**_Terrorist attack in Vienna._ **

**_UN Summit suspended._ **

**_King T'Chaka of Wakanda dead._ **

**_The Winter Soldier is back._ **

**_Hydra lives._ **

_Jane feels her cheeks wet, her eyes are stinging with tears and her throat is too tight to make any kind of sound. There's a picture of Bucky on the television screen, his face is half covered while he walks inside a van, they say it's the proof that he carried out the attack all by himself. The same morning they had been laying in bed trying to figure out how to disappear together._

_Jane walks towards the screen and reaches for Bucky's face. Or whoever that was, because Bucky had been with her that morning. Just the day before they had made love for the second time, and he asked again if she would leaves everything behind for him. Jane said yes._

_"Why won't you leave him alone?"_

_She falls to her knees, feeling the warmth form the television with her palm, while she covers her mouth with the other, crying silently as she wonders why did she let Bucky even leave the room. The four walls surrounding her suddenly feel cold, too close, too hight. Nothing else mattered now that Bucky was gone again._

_This time it felt like they were being buried by the whole world not just Hydra._

 

* * *

 

Natasha and Sam look at eachother before they both look back at him. The redhead crosses her arms knowing that he won't like what she has to say, while Sam scratches the back of his head not knowing what to say at all. Wanda remains quiet in the back of the room, but he knows she heard everything and he would also like to hear what she had to say if there's anything.

Steve puts both hands on the table, where Bucky's journals were scattered alongside a few other items he kept in his bag – A book, a few letters that made no sense for him – and he looks at the one Bucky had written about Jane Foster, and then at the one he wrote to or for Jane Foster. He had spent the past few weeks reading each of them carefully, like Bucky had asked, hiding away from Sam and Natasha's gazes as he did. Wanda had remained distant from them, all of them, quiet and hiding inside that head of hers.

"I don't know, man" Sam is the one who finally speaks, "I never believed in the whole Soulmarks, soulmates thing" he licks his lips nervously, "Love is one thing but..." 

"Whether they are in love or Soulmates, both, is not the point" Natasha says, "The story is already unbelievable as it is, not that I don't believe they could have maybe crossed paths-"

"No, _no_ " Steve shakes his head, "not maybe, it happened, Bucky wrote about it and-"

"He told you his mind was still a mess" Sam cuts him off, Natasha looks at him, "Hell, we saw it was, Hydra still has control of him"

"What about when he was free of them?"

Steve, Natasha and Sam turn to Wanda. She is looking outside the small window of the apartment they are hiding in – despite Natasha telling her repeatedly not to go near the windows – and she turns to them. 

"I've messed with your heads too" Wanda says quietly, Sam cocks an eyebrow, "and it didn't last, whatever Hydra did to him had to wear off at some point, and not only when he was sent back to the freezer" 

Sam's eyebrows shoot up, like he wasn't expecting Wanda to defend Steve's argument or to make a fairly good point. Natasha keeps a straight face and remains quiet, remembering how Bucky broke out voluntarily and saved Steve from downing in the Potomac.

"About them being Soulmates... We have all seen things that are hard to believe," 

Sam sighs, "Damn right" 

"We have gone through things neither would have imagined, I bet Steve never thought he would live to see today when he crashed that plane in the ocean" Wanda hugs herself, and then she offers a small smile, "He never thought he would see James Barnes again” 

Steve smiles softly, sadly, and Wanda lets out a shaky breath she had been holding, nervous about everyone in the room's eyes on her. 

"There's no such thing as impossible for us" Natasha says after a few seconds, "And... James Barnes is one of us" 

Sam makes a face, "Maybe not yet, but you know, once he gets fixed and-"

"Sam" Natasha says warningly.

Steve chuckles this time, and Sam shrugs.

"Thor is not gonna like this" Natasha says, "he is probably going to kick Bucky's ass"

Sam's lips quirk upwards, "Then what are we waiting for?" He asks, rubbing his hands together, "let's find this Jane Foster and tells her everything"

Steve shakes his head softly, but he has a relief smile on his face. Wanda walks towards them and picks up the book on the table. A worn out copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

"Mathilda, Alice, Jane..." She says quietly, "Where are you right now?" 

 

* * *

 

Once again she wakes up from a dreamless sleep.

Her eyelids are still heavy despite not feeling tired anymore, and her whole body feels like it's trapped in a box of ice even when she's surrounded by warm sheets and pillows. The night before she had stayed up late working again, and when she thought she would be able to get some sleep Helen Cho had called her – different time zones, she didn't realise it was so late – and they had talked for almost an hour until the woman realised how tired Jane looked. Helen apologised for calling so late, Jane waved it off and promised to call her back soon.

The alarm clock goes off and Jane waits a few seconds before she crawls on the bed to reach for it. When it goes silent she puts it back in his place, bit it falls from the edge of the night table.

"Damn it" Jane sighs, and leaves it there.

A few seconds later she stands from the bed. Darcy was going to take her cake-testing that afternoon, and Erik wanted to invite them to dinner since he was free that day. Which meant him and Jane were going to end up talking about work and Jane had to spend as much time with Darcy before dinner before she got caught up with the man. 

Darcy had relocated permanently to D.C. with Ian, while Jane and Erik remained in New York. Mostly it was because of their work, Erik always said how much he missed 'the other side of the pond', while Jane just worked (overwork) because she needed to keep herself focused on something other than Bucky.

Well, that didn't work. Jane thinks as she leaves the bathroom wrapped in a towel, and looks at her desk in the corner of the room. There is a pile of papers about James Buchanan Barnes.

**James Buchanan Barnes, terrorist or prisoner of war?**

**The Winter Soldier escapes authorities once again.**

**Captain America missing.**

**Tony Stark hangs up the suit.**

**James Barnes: The world's longest prisoner of war.**

**Sokovia Accords will keep superheroes on check.**

**Who is the Spiderman?**  

(That last one she keeps just because, well, she really wonders what's up with that...) 

Newspapers, magazine articles, printed news she found online... Just like Jane, there was people who hadn't stop thinking about what happened earlier that year. Five months has passed since April and Jane wonders when will he find her again. It wasn't a matter of if, she knew it. Felt it. 

Jane buttons up her shirt and walks towards to her closet, the television is on in the background but she's not really paying attention, making a mental list about the things she needed to do throughout the day. 

" _… And for the first time in our history, we will be sharing out knowledge and resources with the outside world, Wakanda will no longer watch from the shadows…_ "

Wakanda.

Jane focuses on the television screen as she sits on the bed with a pair of shoes in her hands. Her phone rings and she stands from the bed to look for it in the nightstand.

"Hello?" 

" _Hey, Jane_ "

"Darcy" she holds the phone between her ear and shoulder, trying to get inside the shoes, "I'm… I’m getting ready to leave" 

" _Cool! Call me when you are at the first bakery_ " 

Jane hums, "Is Ian joining us?" 

" _Hi, Doctor Foster!_ " She hears in the background.

Darcy chuckles, " _He wouldn't miss the chance for free cake_ " 

"I imagined," Jane looks at the screen, where King T'Challa taking questions and one reporter asks what does Wakanda has to offer, "I'll see you later"

" _Don't forget to call Erik_ " 

"Aha"

And she hangs up. Her eyes remain glued to the television, for some reason she finds herself staring at the man on the screen.

A sound coming from the kitchen makes her snap from the sort of trance and she stands from the bed. Jane swallows and grips her phone in her hands as she makes her way out of the room. 

Another thud and she curses under her breath. This is a really bad time to have a break-in, she thinks, she wants free cake. As she stands in the middle of the living room, with view to the small kitchen, Jane crosses her arms.

"You are not a burglar" 

"Some might say I'm a criminal anyways" 

Steve Rogers offers a small smile, that Jane doesn't return. Mainly because of the shock, which she manages to hide well enough. He is wearing civilian clothes, worn out and probably not his, and a thick stubble covering his jaw. That totally doesn't scream 'running from the law', Jane's mind supplies.

“The government doesn’t like people doing good things just because” Jane says quietly, “it makes them nervous”

Steve’s lips quirk upwards. 

"It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Doctor Foster" 

"Likewise, Captain"

“Just Steve”

 

 

A hint of angst taints his tone and Jane feels the need to apologise but remains quiet. The man gives a step towards her and Jane moves back. He tenses and Jane realises what she did.

"I'm sorry" they both say in unison.

Jane licks her lips, "Thor hasn't been here" she says, "I haven't seen him in almost two years"

"I'm not here for that" Steve says, and he reaches inside his jacket, "Bucky sent me" 

Jane takes a sharp breath in. Steve observes her reaction but doesn't say anything else. She feels the color drain from her face, and her heart starts hammering inside her chest.

Steve reaches inside his jacket and Jane clenches her fist on each side of her body. 

"He asked me to read his journals"

Jane frowns, "I don't..."

Bucky had told her he kept his memories written somewhere safe, in case he started to forget one day or if Jane wanted to know about the bad days as much as he had told him about the good ones. Of course Bucky also told Steve.

"And then he... Told me to find you once I was done"

Jane's eyes blur with tears, and she bites into her bottom lip when her chin trembles.

"Bucky was born with a scar in his left upper arm" Steve says, "My ma used to say it looked like a star, he always hid it from everyone until she told him that" the blond leaves the journal on the small coffee table between them, "back then people still believed soulmarks were important for finding a soulmate... But Bucky never talked about not being born with one" 

Jane rubs her left upper arm, and she sniffs as she wipes the tear that runs down her cheek. Steve looks at her, his hands hiding behind his back, and Jane feels like he's lecturing her somehow. Jane reaches for the journal, and opens it to find a coded letter, and the words 'for Jane' written in the first page.

 

 

"Is he... Is Bucky with you?" Jane looks at him, "Did he..." 

Steve shakes his head, "But he's safe"

Inside the journal she could find Bucky's last words to her, maybe the letter said that she should let him go like many other did. No, Jane, a voice inside her head says, Bucky will remind you there of all the stolen moments you've had over the years, the moments you parted ways but never left his head, and that those moments were enough for him to realise that nothing will bury them. Jane presses the journal against her chest, gripping the corners tightly as is Steve would try to take it from her. 

"He's safe, Jane, I promise" Steve swallows tightly, "they will cure him and..." 

Jane smiles softly, "Tell him to come back to me" she asks, "Like he did before" 

Steve nods. 

"Thank you" he says after a few seconds, "for not giving up on him" Jane's eyes swell with tears, and she takes a deep breath in, "Even after all these years, all this time" 

"My heart belongs to him" Jane says quietly, but firmly, "and nothing will change that, not even if the world were to exiled the rest of me from him"

The man walks towards her, and without giving Jane time to move or react, he throws her arms around her. Jane feels the embrace familiar, like she had felt it before, like he had comforted her before. Jane presses her forehead against his chest and lets herself cry silently, freely. She wants to tell him that she doesn't need Bucky to be fixed, but it was Bucky who made the choice, because he will never find rest until he feels fixed. And if he isn't, Jane wouldn't mind. She can take the nightmares and the daydreams, she can't mend his body but she will take it as it is, kiss the scars and make the pain go away as long as she has him, fill every crack in his mind and make him forget what they did to him. But she stays quiet because it was Bucky's choice.

When Steve leaves, he asks her to take care of herself and Jane promises she will. Life had to go on without Bucky for now, she always managed, but this time she knew Bucky was safe and sound, and she knew he would come back one last time and this time he would stay.


	6. 2018

Bucky wakes in a warm bed.

First he feels like floating, and when he opens his eyes it's like his feet touch the ground too fast, his mind remaining bleary for a few seconds until he realises he's staring at the ceiling, and a chill runs down his spine, the cold morning air entering through the open window as the first rays of sunshine filter in. 

He runs a hand through his face and hair yawning openly as he finishes waking up. The alarm clock on his left starts ringing, and he lets out a groan as he moves to a sitting position before reaching for it and pressing the top of it. When it continues ringing, he does it again a bit too hard and the clock shatters in several pieces. Bucky purses his lips, turning to look at his left vibranium hand and what's left of the clock scattered on the surface of the nightstand. 

“Well, shit”

It had been two years years since Bucky had first being brought to Wakanda, since Shuri had freed him from what Hydra did to him and he was taken off cryo-sleep.

Bucky chose to remain in Wakanda even after he had been pardoned for his crimes and was allowed to go back to the States. He found the rest of the world overwhelming still, while Wakanda felt like the place he was meant to be. Instead of living in the city, he found solace in a small cabin near the limits, where the invisible barrier that used to hide Wakanda from the rest of the world used to be.

 

 _“Are you sure you want this?”_

_Bucky takes his eyes off the lake infront of him to look at Steve. The man next to him looked so different, different to what he was before and different to what he had been when they found eachother again. Bucky didn’t want to say he looked gaunt, but there was a shine in his eyes missing. He realises then, while he gives Steve a nod, that things hadn’t been easy for either of them._

_“You can stay with me” Bucky says quietly, “The cabin looks small but…” he chuckles softly, “We can put the couch coushions on the floor like when we were kids”_

_“Does that place even has a couch?” Steve offers a smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes, Bucky chuckles anyways, “There’s work for me to do still”_

_Steve always wanted to be a soldier, to fight and protect people, so Bucky understood why he wanted to continue fighting even if it was from the shadows. He was more that just a soldier. Steve was a good man._

_“If you ever want to talk” Bucky says, putting his hand on the man’s shoulder, “You know where to find me”_

_Steve pulls him in for a hug, “I’ll come back soon”_

_When Steve climbs inside the car he came in, Bucky waves at him. Neither had said anything once the blond started walking away, but Steve looks at him once again and offers him a small smile that does reach his eyes._

 

 

_By now, Bucky knew that the two of them didn’t have to say goodbye anymore._

"That is the third one this month"

He turns to look at the entrance of the room. A small apologetic smile forms in his lips as he finds Jane looking back at him, leaning against the doorframe with crossed arms.

"Last month I smashed eight," He says, voice rough from sleeping, "Let's see if I can best it"

Jane chuckles softly, rolling her eyes as she walks towards him. She's wearing nothing but one of his shirts, the ones he uses only when he has 'important meetings' with Okoye – which he was obliged to attend as her second in command of the Wakandan army – like the day before. He didn't like it because it involved talking with too many people, most of which spoke very fast in Xhosa (which he mistakenly kept calling Wakandan, to Okoye’s annoyance) and he still wasn't very good at it despite Shuri's almost daily lessons. Jane had picked it up faster than he did, thing Shuri reminds him every single time he messes up a word.

The mattress sinks with Jane's weight, and she taps his knee before she straddles him. He was still naked under the sheets and his body reacts at the proximity.

"I’ll tell Shuri to get you a special vibranium one" Jane says, huskily against his lips before she kisses him.

There were days when he didn’t believe she was with him. He sometimes woke up and didn’t find her asleep next to him, and he jumped from the bed to look for her. Jane would leave whatever she was doing, reading or watching television, thinking he was having a nightmare so she could hold him.

 

_Steve hadn’t visited him in months. It didn’t bother him, both were trying to live their lives as they were now, but it did worried him since Steve was a wanted man. Ironically, Bucky who was the reason why, was going to soon be ‘pardoned’ by the goverment of the United States for all his crimes. Shuri had given him the news a few days prior, and T’Challa had confirmed it the night before when he visited him._

_It’s too early in the morning and the sun hadn’t come out. Bucky wasn’t used to sleep too much anymore, like all those years sleeping had been enough for a lifetime, so he liked to wake up and see the sunrises. Sunrises in Wakanda were almost as beautiful as the sunsets. He still keeps journals – just one, actually – of his day to day life, as uneventful as it is he wishes to tell Jane so many things._

_After he eats his breakfast, which he still struggles to make for himself with one arm without burning something, he fed the goats. He hadn’t meant to kept them around, they just appeared one morning and once he fed them they stayed. Okoye told him they might be lost but no one came looking for them so Bucky kept them safe until someone did._

_When he is walking home, he senses someone is following him. He leaves the bucket he is carrying on the ground and turns around. Wakanda was no longer a secret, but it was still difficult to enter the futuristic city Bucky was so afraid of visiting so sometimes foreigners stumbled upon his cabin trying to._

_“I want to say hello stranger but…”_

_Bucky turns again and freezes._

_“We are far from strangers you and I”_

_His breath is caught on his throat, and his heart starts hammering inside his ribcage. Jane Foster looks like a vision, she’s wearing a white dress that flows with the gentle morning breeze, her hair is shorter and lighter, and her face looks blushed as if she ran all the way there. Bucky looks around like he’s lost at first, or like he is looking for a sign that she is really there, and for a moment Jane feels like she’s in a dream too._

_“You- um- you look good” Jane bites her bottom lip, “Steve brought me, well, he was suppose to come but he said that if I wanted to come I should come alone since he’s still… You know”_

_Bucky gives a step towards her and Jane takes a breath in with anticipation. When they are close enough to feel their heat, Jane’s eyes fill with tears. He wipes her cheek with his thumb, and Jane reaches for him, placing her hands on his chest as his breathing becomes elaborated. Jane places her hand on his left shoulder, and looks up at him. She offers an unsure smile, like she's afraid that if she'll hurt him if they touch._

__

 

_“It’s okay” Bucky says, “I’m okay now”_

_Jane’s bottom lip trembles, and she takes a deep breath in, “Can I stay?”_

_Bucky pulls her in for a tight embrace. Jane’s hand circle his neck tightly and Bucky’s eyesight becomes blurred with tears. He surrenders himself to her completely, and he falls to his knees when Jane’s tears wet his shirt._

__

 

_Jane sobs quietly against his neck, and he pulls back slightly to kiss her lips. Bucky kisses her mouth, nose, forehead and temple, cupping her face with tenderness. He really is here, Jane thinks. In that moment, for once and maybe the first time in forever, real life was better than her dreams._

_“You can stay, Jane” He says, “Of course you can stay”_

_“I missed you so much” Jane grips his shirt, nuzzling his chest like she is trying to take in his smell and warmth._

_“I missed you too” Bucky says._

_He had missed her almost as much as he loves her._

 

At first, Bucky thought Jane wouldn't like it, being so isolated from the rest of the world and even from the technologically advance city of Wakanda. Unlike him, she was used to her busy life in the outside world, Jane traveled a lot and he knew she loved her job. But two weeks after that, Jane had asked if she could stay longer. 

Bucky hadn't felt that kind of happiness in so long.

Days blended into weeks, then months and once he realised it, a year had passed and Jane had made the small cabin a home for the two of them. They spend most of their days taking care of the garden Bucky had started before she arrived, they visited the lake often, and hiked took, they took care of the animals and Jane would insist on them staying outside during nights. She told him she liked studying the stars, but what she truly loved what just looking up at them.

Shuri invites them to her laboratory – and surprises him with a new vibranium arm – and she is enamoured by Jane immediately and the feeling is mutual. After that the young princess constantly stole her away from him, which was not a problem since Okoye had asked Bucky for help with the new army recruits. When he asked why, Okoye simply replied it was ' _good for his mind and body_ ', later Bucky found out it had been T’Challa who gave Okoye the task to make Bucky feel more part of… Anything, really. 

His first mission went well, a small group of people had been kidnapped when some outsiders tried to steal Vibranium – apparently it was more normal than anything else – and Bucky managed to complete the mission with zero casualties. After that, Okoye continued to request his help and once he earned the respect from the Dora Milaje and the Wakandans, he had being named the White Wolf and officially asked to join their forces. He also became the link between T'Challa and the Avengers. 

New Year’s came and went, and when March arrived Jane had to leave.

 

_Jane was packing her bags in the room while he read the book she gave him that morning. A signed copy of ‘A Brief History of Time’ given to Jane by the writer himself._

_He knew that she didn’t have many clothes, and despite not having many belongings around the house either, Jane told him that it felt more like a home than anywhere else in the world. Bucky looks at the bedroom door, where he can hear Jane humming a song. They spent more time in there than anywhere else in the house. They made love almost every night, talked for hours about the future and the past – Bucky didn’t avoid talking about his past with her – Jane liked eating on the bed even when Bucky complained about breadcrumbs afterwards, and Bucky liked listening to Jane read out loud to him._

_Bucky didn’t want that to end, he didn’t want her to go, but he understood that she had to._ _She had written a book about her work – Bucky heard something about it being compared to the book he was reading at the moment – and they were publishing it by the end of the month. She would be gone for eight months._

_“You can come with me, you know?” Jane says from the room, “I will fight Okoye for you, my love”_

_His lips quirk upwards, “She once slapped me unconscious” he retorts, “Just_ slapped _me”_

_He hears Jane’s sonorous laugh. Bucky leaves the book aside for a few seconds, and stands from the couch. When he reaches the bedroom, he leans against the doorframe crossing his arm while his eyes follow Jane from one side of the room to the other._

_“Where did all this stuff came from?”_

_The room is messier than before. Clothes and shoes everywhere, and Jane in the middle trying to choose which ones to take._

_“Darcy sent them to me”_

_Bucky makes a face. Darcy Lewis didn’t like him at all. She had met him exactly once, months ago when she visited Wakanda for the first time with a small group of journalists that Princess Shuri had invited. He understood where she was coming from, Bucky had caused Jane a lot of pain even when the woman said it was in the past, and it had been Darcy who stood by her side._

_“Don’t forget to water the tree” Jane says, it was the eight time she said it that day._

_Jane had ask him if they could plant a tree somewhere a month into her stay. Bucky didn’t understand why at first, being surrounded by them and all, until Jane told him everything about Leon and Mathilda. For her, the tree meant permanence. A promise that the stability she had found with him in Wakanda was going to be everlasting._

_“I won’t forget, love”_

_She smiles at him, “I left you one of the nice shirts in the closet” Jane adds, “You have a meeting tomorrow at seven”_

_He groans, “I might forget about that”_

_"You promised Ayo you would attend" She walks towards him and give shim a quick peck, “I love you"_

_When she starts walking away Bucky tugs from her arm, pulling her in for another kiss. Jane smiles inside the kiss, and he continues to trail kisses down her jaw and neck._

_“I’m going to miss you” Bucky whispers, resting his forehead on her shoulder while hugging her waist._

_Jane runs her fingers through his hair, “Me too” she cups his jaw and makes him look at her, “Time is going to fly, I promise”_

_Bucky nods. When Jane goes back to packing and he goes back to his couch, he tries to focus one the book in his hands. After reading the same line over and over without being able to focus, he realises he can’t let Jane leave without asking her one thing. His feet seem to move by themselves, and when he is standing in the middle of the room, and Jane is brushing her teeth in the bathroom, he asks._

_“Do you thing it would be alright if we married?”_

_Jane turns to him, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand._

_“After you return, of course” Bucky adds, “Maybe a small-"_

_She runs towards him and throws her arms around his neck. Her legs circling his waist and he lifts her off the ground and Jane captures his lips. Bucky pulls back and licks his lips tasting the minty flavour of toothpaste and Jane’s own lips, while Jane kisses his face a few times. Saying yes, yes, yes, after every kiss._

 

The next day he tells T’Challa about it, while Jane’s plane is leaving. The man laughs and tells him it was the worst proposal he’s heard of, Jane still insists it was been perfect. 

“What’s on that mind of yours?” Jane asks quietly, “Not getting cold feet, are you?” 

“Not at all”

Jane’s nails scratch his scalp, “I don’t know if I like the short hair that much” She pouts.

Bucky chuckles, leaving a kiss on her shoulder, “Miss Potts suggested I cut it for the wedding”

“I prefer it longer” Jane says, “But like this we'll be able to see more of your face in the pictures” she adds teasingly.

Bucky laughs, and his hands land on her waist pulling her closer as he pulls her in for another kiss. A deeper, more fervent one. Jane chuckles against his lips and pulls back, leaving a quick peck on his lips when he chases for hers. 

"My legs were jelly this morning after last night" Jane swipes a strand of hair behind his ear, "Figured you'd be tired today" 

He chuckles, "I'll never be tired of you" he kisses her lips, "of kissing you, and touching you" his hands run up and down her tights, "making love to you"

Jane snorts against his lips, "My, my," her arms are around his neck, "My White Wolf will soon start writing poetry” 

Bucky smiles, and hold her waist before flipping then on the bed. Jane lets out a laugh, and hooks her legs behind his back. White Wolf was his code name, and he just realises it sounded so much better coming from her lips.

Bucky kisses her forehead, "Those happened to make me a romantic"

He looks pointedly at the pile of books in the corner of the room, most of which were hers before Bucky ended up reading them. Some where cheesy romantic novels that Jane found a guilty pleasure she had a hard time getting rid off. 

"Oh, my beloved Jane, let me maketh love to you until thy legs are-"

“Shut up” Jane covers his mouth, a blush spreads across the bridge of her nose, "I didn’t make you, by the way” she narrows her eyes.

Bucky's eyes smile and he takes her hand, "until thy legs give up on you, so I can keep you here forever"

It comes out in a funny accent, and when Jane laughs, he bites her hand softly before kissing his knuckles. 

“As much as I like that _Dracula_ impression” Bucky snorts, "And as much as I would like that,"

"You are not using the accent, doll"

"I would very much prefer to walk down the isle without a limp" Jane finishes, trying to keep a serious face despite her lips twitching at the corners.

Bucky's shoulder shake slightly as he chuckles, and he hooks a finger under her chin. He pulls her in for a kiss despite Jane clearing trying (and failing) not to start something they can't finish.

It starts slow, the intimate slide of his lips over hers, until Jane opens his mouth just slightly, allowing Bucky’s tongue inside. Bucky flicks his tongue lightly over Jane’, tasting him.

 

 

Jane hands run down his back, nails scratching the skin slightly, and Bucky lets out a guttural sound before Jane pulls back. 

"Maybe we could spare a few minutes" she whispers, warm breath against his lips.

The man is about to dive back in to resume the kiss when Jane hears the entrance doors being slammed open.

"Jane!"

Bucky groans and his head falls on Jane's shoulder.

"How did she even find this place?" He asks.

Jane chuckles and rubs his shoulder. Before she has time to get him off her, Darcy enters the room.

"Jane, are you here?!"

Bucky leans back on the bed and Jane moves into a sitting position. 

"It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride on the wedding day before the actual wedding ceremony" Darcy scolds, and crosses her arms before cocking an eyebrow at Bucky. 

The man grips the sheet around his hips as Jane reaches for the pajama pants left on the floor and throws them to him. Bucky mutter a thanks and scratches the back of his neck, glancing at Darcy before he looks back at Jane. A silent conversation ensues about the other woman’s presence. Jane knows that Darcy and Bucky’s relationship is a bit… strained, but they didn’t disliked eachother. At some point Darcy confessed she was jealous of Bucky ‘stealing’ Jane from her, and Bucky admitted he resented Darcy for the way she reacted to Jane living with him. Of course they told Jane that, not eachother.

"Let's go, Jane, we gotta get you ready" Darcy says, still standing in the middle of the room.

Jane leans in for another kiss, which he accepts gleefully.

“I love you” 

“I love you, too”

Bucky offers Darcy a nod before both women leave the room. Only when Jane leaves that time, he realises he doesn’t get that feeling he used to get all the times she left before anymore.

 

* * *

Jane never thought of her wedding day before her actual wedding day. She never imagined she would walk down an isle with a white dress on, surrounded by people she loved and who loved her back, holding a bouqet of flowers in one hand while gripping Erik Selvig’s arm tightly with the other.  

What makes it much better, is the way Bucky looks at her when he sees her. 

 

 

Bucky feels Steve nudge his shoulder softly. He can hear the soft music playing in the background, the flowers splayed on the ground and the lights illuminate everyone in the room. Still, he is unable to take his eyes off Jane. A smile splits his face, and he feels his fingers twitch nervously on each side of his body. 

Erik kisses her cheek, and offers him a nod.

“Take good care of her” the man says as he passes by him. 

Bucky nods, “I promise I will”

Jane smiles widely as he reaches for her.

 

 

* * *

 

_Reader, I married him._

Jane smiles to herself behind the rim of the glass as she looks at Steve throw an arm around Bucky’s broad shoulders. Next to her, Darcy and Ian are arguing over who will get to ride the ‘hover car’ on the city tour Shuri offered to take them tomorrow – argument Jane started without meaning to – while the baby in Darcy’s arms giggles and chews on a toy.

Her thumb plays with the silver band on her ring finger distractingly, similar to the one Bucky is wearing. Both made from the same strong vibranium that the man’s left arm is made of. 

She catches Thor on the dancefloor and the man grins widely at her, raising his glass before he smashes it on the floor. Shuri, who is next to him, does too before Okoye walks up to them and scolds them. When Jane feels a hand over hers, she turns to find little Charlotte reaching for her ring. Jane leans towards her and leaves kiss on the tip of her nose, making her giggle and throw her arms towards her. Darcy and Ian are now laughing about something else, and the woman looks at them.

“You can pick her up” Darcy says, “She’s in a good mood today”

“She got Darcy’s temperament, Doctor Foster” Ian says, and Darcy elbows him, “You know I love you”

Darcy rolls her eyes but a smile pulls from her lips. Charlotte looks at Jane with wide grey eyes, showing off her new front teeth and coos when Jane reaches for her.

“Oh, I don’t…” Jane trails off.

Jane loved Charlotte, but she looked so fragile and small that she was afraid she would break as soon as Jane touched her. Darcy chuckles, knowing about her irrational fear since Jane had mentioned several times before. A song starts playing, and Ian turns to Darcy at the same time the woman looks at him with wide eyes and a grin on her face. They are so adorable, Jane thinks.

“That’s like our jam, Jane” Darcy says, “Please” she adds looking at the baby.

 _Okay_ , Jane takes a breath in, _okay_.

“Come to auntie” Jane says, reaching for Charlotte.

The baby pouts, and Jane looks at Darcy almost horrified. 

“It’s okay, it’s auntie Jane” Jane smiles at the toddler and makes grabby hands, making her giggle. Darcy sits her on Jane’s lap, “There we go"

“Let’s go, babe” Ian says, “Thanks, Doc-“

“Ian, I swear to god, if you call me Doctor Foster one more time…” Jane cocks an eyebrow, rubbing Charlotte’s little hands with her thumbs. 

Ian chuckles and shrugs apologetically, “Sorry, Doctor Barnes" 

Darcy drags him before Jane can say anything, and she sees the woman practically giggle before Ian asks her what’s so funny. Jane’s lips are pulled by a smile and Charlotte giggles in her arms, reaching for the kimoyo beads in her wrist to probably put them in her mouth. Charlotte looks at her with wide eyes, kind of surprised and completely innocent. Also confused, but she shows her gums anyways.

“You look just like your daddy”

Jane chuckles, giving her the chewing toy she had before and leaning in to kiss the top of her head. She remembers carrying her for the first time – after Darcy practically cried because Jane didn’t want to, afraid she would hurt her – and thinking how it felt like carrying a pile of newly washed, newly dried laundry. Warm and soft. Jane leans in and smells the top of her head. Also, they smell good. She thinks with a small smile on her face. When she lifts her gaze she finds Bucky staring at her from across the room, Wanda and Sam are talking animately next to him and when Sam slaps his shoulder playfully Bucky blinks a few times before taking his eyes off her. 

“Clint has another one of those on the way” 

Jane turns to find Steve behind her. 

“May I?” He asks, starting to pull a chair.

“Of course” Jane smiles.

Steve unbuttons his jacket and leaves it folded on the table, before he drags out the chair next to Jane and sits. Charlotte stares at him, and Steve rubs her cheek with his knuckle softly, making her giggle.

“She’s precious”

Jane smiles, “She is”

“Do you like babies?”

“Of course” Jane nods, “Charlotte is the only baby I know personally, but I would definitely recommend being around others”

Steve laughs, “She seems to like you too”

“For now” Jane kisses the top of Charlotte’s head, “Are you having fun?” 

“I am”

The blond looks at the now crowded dance floor, the people laughing on the tables surrounding them, and the band playing a song everyone seems to be enjoying. The whole atmosphere is warm and welcoming, they are surrounded by nature so the starts are clear bright above them, and the lights surrounding them illuminate the place all the way to the lake meters away from them. Darcy really nailed it, Jane thinks, and also Okoye since she was the one in charge of finding guiding the other woman around. 

“I am also… Indefinitely grateful with you, Jane” 

Jane tilts her head, “Why?”

Steve’s lips quirk upwards, “When I thought everyone else had given up on him, you didn’t” he says, “When I thought he was alone and had no one, you were with him” 

Her heart swells inside her chest. And she feels her eyesight blur with tears, before she chuckles and sniffs, looking back at the dance floor.

“Bucky was… Unknowingly an anchor to me too” Jane starts, looking for the man with her eyes, “I didn’t lose as much as him, or as much as you did” she looks at Steve, “But when I had nothing, I knew I had him… Maybe not with me, but back then just the thought of him was enough to keep me going”

Steve’s lips curve in a small smile, and Jane can see his eyes are glassy just like hers.

“I never thought I would be with him again, much less celebrating his wedding” Steve says, like he suddenly realises it, “Life, time, destiny, whatever it is that pulls the threats… Works in mysterious ways” He chuckles, “Truly” 

Jane looks at him, “I heard about you” Steve frowns slightly, looking at her, “Your… Soulmate”

“Ah”

Both turn their eyes back to the other corner of the room. Where Lila and Cassie are tugging from Tony Stark’s arms while their respective fathers, Clint and Scott, giggle behind their champagne glasses. Jane sees Steve’s lips quirk upwards, and she accommodates Charlotte in her lap. A few months ago it came to light that Tony Stark was Steve’s soulmate. Both had tried to hide it for different reasons: they weren’t sure it was real, it could jeopardise the team, they weren’t compatible at all, Tony was engaged to Pepper… That one was hard to ignore once things blew up. No one was sure who leaked it to the press or how they even knew, but once it was out there it was impossible to hide anymore. 

Things between them had been friendly, but neither seem to be the one to give the first step towards something else. Though it was obvious the both of them wanted to. Natasha had made it her personal mission to get them together once and for all. Also she made a pool – everyone gave a date when they thought it would happen – so far it was Scott Lang who was winning. 

“I know we will figure it out” Steve says finally.

“For those who love, time is eternity” Jane tells him, “Eternity can start right now, Captain" 

Steve stares at her for a few seconds, before he leans in and leaves a kiss on her cheek. When he pulls back Jane smiles, blushing slightly at the gesture and at Steve’s shy smile.

“You aren’t trying to steal my girl are you, Stevie?” 

Both turn to find Bucky looking at them with a cocked eyebrow, before a teasing smile spreads across his face. Jane lets out a small laugh, and Steve rolls his eyes fondly. The blond offers a small nod to Jane before he stands, reaching for Charlotte’s hand to kiss it before turning to offer Bucky his seat. Her husband smiles at her softly, before he turns to Steve.

“Where are you going?” Bucky asks, and Steve just waves at him walking away. 

Bucky frowns and sits on the chair, looking at Jane.

“I think Scott just won a bet” Jane offers a shrug. 

The man doesn’t understand but chuckles anyways, leaning back on the chair to look around. He looks at Charlotte with the corner of his eye and then at Jane, who is letting the baby play with her kimoyo beads while she talks to her in a soft voice, Bucky licks his lips before he straightens on the chair again.

“She’s cute”

Jane looks up from where Charlotte plays with her bracelet. 

She smiles, “Yeah, she is” she says looking back at her little hands, “Look at her chubby fingers” 

Bucky’s lips quirk upwards, “Do you want children?”

Jane looks at him, “What?”

“Children” Bucky repeats, “Do you want any?”

His wife looks at him for a few seconds, scanning his face for something before her lips split her face into a smile. Bucky reaches for her left hand, kissing her knuckles before she cups his jaw with the same hand and leans in for a kiss. 

“I want a baby boy” Jane whispers against his lips once they separate, “To start”

Bucky rubs his jaw, “My looks and your brain, doll? Jackpot” Jane snorts, rolling her eyes fondly, “We can have as many as you want” he reaches for her hand and kisses her knuckles. 

“Then we better start soon” Jane says, “I want about five” 

The man chuckles and leans in to kiss her lips.

“Keep it PG for the rugrat” Darcy says, clearing her throat. 

Jane and Bucky moving away from eachother as Darcy reaches for Charlotte. Jane smiles softly as the baby waves at her goodbye, and Bucky offers Darcy a small smile which the woman returns before she tells them Ian wants a picture with Charlotte and ‘Ant-man’, who happens to be his favorite Avenger now, and then walks away from them.

“Darcy had 'a word' with me” Bucky says, making airquotes.

Jane turns her body to him, “Everything good?”

He looks in her direction, “We are fine”

Bucky looks at her and reaches for her hand, “Come here”

Jane feels him tug her arm, and she stands from her chair only to sit on his lap. She leans against his chest, and Bucky moves her hair out of the way so he can press his check against hers as his arms hug her waist, and Jane covers his arms with hers. 

“Are you happy?” Bucky asks her quietly.

“I am the happiest I’ve even been”

Bucky smiles and leaves a kiss behind her ear. 

“I love you” Jane says, “James Buchanan Barnes, I love you”

He kisses her shoulder, before leaning in, “I love you very much, more than I could trust myself to say” Bucky whispers against the shell of her ear, “more than words have power to express"

Jane smiles and looks at him over her shoulder. A song starts playing and someone calls their names to the dance floor. Jane stands up and takes his hand, the warm metal shinning as his fingers intertwine with her and Bucky follows her to the dance floor.

Bucky remembers holding her hand for the first time. The warmth that spreads is less intense but the feeling is stronger, the white dress, long and soft looking flows with every step she gives, and Bucky feels like he’s floating as he follows her. When she turns to him and wraps her arms around his neck, he remembers the first time he saw into those brown eyes and sees they have completely change, though it feels like they were always suppose to look like this. Gleeful, bright, elated, and they look at him with a tenderness he already knows she kindly gives him with every touch. 

She starts swaying slowly, one of his hands is on her waist and the other in the middle of her back, caressing softly as they fall into a rhythm. She inhales the smell of him under the cologne, like the air before it rains and the soil after the morning rays first touch it. The first time they saw comes to her mind, she remembers feeling the cold pavement under her feet and the eyes of a stranger following her. As soon as she looked into those eyes she should have known she was lost, or found, she dreamt of him and followed him across the world without even realising it until they finally found a home. Every fear that chased them stood still, every bad memory was dust in that moment.

The world outside was wide, full of hopes and fears for the unknown, of sensations and new excitements she will get to know with the man she loves by her side, their courage will push them to go forth further into this world’s expanse like it had so far, cause they found the real knowledge of life amidst it's perils. 

They found it once they found eachother.

 

 

**The end.**


End file.
